Hey, this is Johann, one of the Ampersand’s coeditors. You might recognize my name from the editors’ notes. I was the second one. Sascha came first, because, you know, he’s older (other editor’s note: and way cute). But now he’s graduating, and I’m looking for another coeditor. I asked Jacob, but he was all, “I’m graduating too, remember?” Whatever. Devra said much the same thing, except it sounded more like “Ahmma Grazhating ur som shisss… ummemma? Oh, amma gonna…” at which pooint she vommed on my shoes.
At a complete loss, I turn now to the one person who has been at my side through Amperthick and Amperthin all year. Layout Editor Katie Brown.
J: Hey, Katie. You’re being promoted. Welcome to the Coeditorial staff.
K: What if I don’t want to be editor?
J: COeditor.
K: Is there a pay increase? Health benefits? Child care?
J: You don’t have any kids.
K: Sure… Sure.
J: It’s not even like you get paid now, anyway. You just get free food.
K: Well, I’d need twice as much. Now I’m eating for two.
J: Two…?
K: Uh…You misheard. I said I’m not pregnant.
J: Oh. Well, in any case, it’s not on our tab. So you’d have to get here early on Monday nights. And you’d have to write more often.
K: Ok, I’ll be able to co-edit in as soon as the babysitter comes.
J: What do you mean, ‘Babysitter?’
K: I’ve been trying to tell you…
J: Oh…
K: Yes. We’re having an Amperbaby.
J: Well…Is it funny? Can it do layout?
K: Does the pope shit in the woods?
J: No.
K: Well the baby will. Or else we’ll give it to comics.
Victor: Perfect! If it can just poop on a piece of paper or something…
Jordan: We’ll run it!
Victor and Jordan: We suck hardcore.
Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Coeditor Katie Brown. She’s not just for Layout anymore. And she’s keeping the baby. Unless it poops funny enough. Then she’s giving it up to comics.
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