Dear Douglas,
Fuck your civility. Give me one reason to talk to you in words that will make you comfortable, proud, and reinforce your fucked up ideas of what a university should be. Every time I’ve gone to your office hours, you hid behind your mumble so you can get back to skipping down chalk-free sidewalks with your sex-slave Midgey-pie laughing about how special her consultations are to the trustees.
They wank their way all over campus (“Oh, let’s fuck with the tables in the student space so we can attract more kids who’ll want to join our secret sex cabal!”), unaccountable to anything but the size of their own endowment. Oh yeah, the administration-sanctioned student representatives—if anyone else tries to get in on Alan Dach’s circle jerk, trustee sex-slaves disguised with Public Safety badges get to flex their muscles and carry you out of their closed-door, professionally catered, student-centered bukake. Lick my cunt.
The people who drive by me shouting out their window don’t contribute to campus civility. Incidentally, if you’re reading this, I’d love to have you lick my asshole, and you can’t beat the rock-bottom price of a dollar anywhere in this town, but you drove away before I could get any money out of my purse. There were four of us there, though, so we’re still not quite sure which one was the fucking bitch. I’d like to volunteer, though—my asshole is still pretty tight despite all the work Dougie and the trustees have been doing on it for the past three years.
So now instead of just getting fucked by the institution, I have to worry about getting sexually assaulted while walking down High Street, and waiting for Emanuel Freemark’s “to beat the shit” out of me for “not only [my] small stature, but obvious size deficiencies in other parts of [my] body” (Response to Freelander: sometimes people make mistakes,“ 4/13/04). I guess I’m not part of your ”most University students,“ Marissa Brostoff (”Students feel safe despite assault alert,“ 4/13/04).
Sounds like a pretty fucking civil campus to me, Douglas. Or are you too busy rocking your own cock in your office all day to notice how shitty our campus has gotten since you’ve arrived?
Next time you want to fuck me, Doug, just ask.
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