Saturday, April 19, 2025



Men’s tennis crushes Camels

When a team goes into a match knowing that they are the better team, there are usually two things that can happen. They either take care of business or they struggle to maintain their form, which can result in a disappointing loss. On Tuesday, at Conn. College, the Wesleyan men’s tennis team took the first of those two roads, blanking an overmatched Camel club, 7-0. It was a victory that left many smiles on the members of the team.

“This match was very satisfying for everyone,” said co-captain Dan Yeoman ’04. “They were by far the weakest team we’ve play this season and our team just came ready to win. It truly was a blowout.”

Even that fickle mistress Mother Nature could not prevent the Cardinals from embarrassing Conn. College. Rain forced the match indoors, but Wesleyan still wiped the floor with the Camels.

“Being inside didn’t phase us,” Yeoman said. “We put them on a train and rode them right out of town.”

A match like this is a welcomed sight in the eyes of the players.

“Some people say that in sports, it’s harder to win when you know you are ?better than your opponent,” said Max Kates ’06. “But that’s only when you’re on a team of scared losers. We’ve got serious studs on this team, and when we are better on paper ?than another team, we look forward to the welcome break from the usual NESCAC ?nastiness.”

Yeoman was quick to point out some of the individual accomplishments of the match.

“Ari Levin [’04] absolutely killed his guy,” Yeoman said. “He fed him a donut and some milk, put him to bed and read him a story in about 30 minutes.”

Unfortunately for the Cardinals, this weekend the grueling league schedule offers a serious challenge as the team prepares for the always-impressive Bowdoin Polar Bears.

“They are simply nasty,” Yeoman said. “So we’re going to have to pump up, take some steroids, and come out motivated.”

Kates also acknowledged the difficult match on the horizon but was confident that the team could pull out a victory. He offered insight into how to create an environment that will allow for victory.

“Mental masturbation is the key to a win this Saturday; we must envision the ?victory, and get a taste of that euphoric sense of accomplishment,” Kates said. “Take the momentum we have, and like David Hasselhoff, move on into oblivion. Also, be more disciplined on the court and take less risks. Against a crappy team you can work on your game and go for unorthodox shots.”

Whatever the outcome may be from this weekend’s match, it is clear that the team has set lofty goals for the remainder of the season.

“Our goals include: To have fun and make sure Dan Yeoman gets laid at Williams during NESCAC’s,” Kates said. “Also to make sure that Adam Stone puts back on his famous Michael Jackson glove, to welcome Jeff Basil back after his MCAT hiatus, to give our seniors — our stallions in the night, our men of lust and vigor — their last hurrah with some serious winning at NESCAC, to avoid being the country-club, sweater-vest wearing, martini sipping groupies we know all the other teams are, and finally, to win with a vengeance.”

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