Basically, I’m angry. I’m really fucking angry and I’m really fucking scared.
I’m scared that people think that rape is when a scary man in a mask jumps out of the bushes in the middle of the night and kidnaps you. Believe me, I am terrified of that, and have minor panic attacks sometimes when I am alone outside at night, but I’m also just paranoid. Which might be connected to my own experiences of sexual assault but also what I’ve been taught to be afraid of, and when to feel vulnerable. I have been harassed by people I don’t know, but I have been physically assaulted by people I did know, and still know. I DO NOT FEEL SAFE walking around by myself on campus. But the funny thing is I do sometimes feel safer walking around by myself than I do at a party, or if I am alone in a room with someone. It is unbelievable to me that the article in
Tuesday’s Argus is more concerned with how several female students feel about blue light phones, rather than the fact that there are two boys that raped a girl last weekend walking around campus (how safe do they feel?), going to class, going to parties. And countless others. THE ISSUE IS NOT WHETHER WE KNOW BLUE LIGHT PHONES EXIST OR HOW TO OPERATE THEM. Blue light phones might not be an option for me to use if I just happen to get roofied, locked in a room, physically overpowered, or am with someone that I know and trust. Rape can mean—but doesn’t always mean—I screamed and kicked the whole time. It can involve all sorts of coercion, physical and psychological. I also just can’t get past the fact that so many students feel much safer on campus than in Middletown. On campus, we have blue light phones if you are walking around campus. Off campus, we don’t have blue light phones if you are walking around Middletown. This being the only difference in safety resources, I think that we have to really think about why we feel less safe in Middletown, seeing how most students rarely even go into Middletown unless it’s to Thai Gardens and back, and most likely in a car. I will bet my life on the fact that the percentage of students who are raped by fellow students FAR OUTWEIGHS the percentage of students raped by Middletown residents. I want everyone that feels more safe on campus than off to have a conversation about why you feel more safe on campus, and what it is about Middletown that you think the people who actually live here, and not in the lap of luxury that this school is, are potentially more dangerous, and more likely to sexually assault someone than a Wesleyan student. I think you will find that there are a lot of questions about RACE and CLASS that might come up. This attitude towards Middletown and Middletown residents keeps us from realizing the fucked up relationship between the city and the school, and it also projects fears out of the Wesleyan community, which will only allow us to ignore the fact that sexual assault comes in many different forms and IS HAPPENING (and will continue to happen) in our dorm, at our parties, in our houses, and WITHIN THE WESLEYAN COMMUNITY. It took me a long time to figure out what I needed to do to feel safe when I went out on the weekends. Sometimes it means not going out at all. Sometimes it means telling my friends I want to leave a party even if they don’t want to. Sometimes it means I let my friends know that I can help them get out a situation if they need it. This happens to people we know and love, and probably is being done by people we know and love.
It’s a problem, and it’s hard to come to terms with, but it’s true. Another thing that this campus needs to deal with is seeing rape as a Take Back The Night, in the aftermath, sorry it happened to you sort of a thing. We are not walking, talking victims. We are not a candle one night a year. We are not always just about to get reminded that our pussies are pussies by a fat dick shoving its way in. Fuck the bullshit.
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