So you signed up for a prefrosh in a drunken stupor last weekend. And you happen to have a big paper due Friday. And an exam on Monday. No problem! Here we provide a partial list of the many activities your prefrosh can engage in while on campus without needing you there to help or hold their hand.
CHALKING: This is a great activity for prefrosh to engage in on their own. If nothing else, there is a certain prestige to getting SJBed before ever attending the school.
EXPLORING THE BUTT TUNNELS: Lead them down blindfolded and tell them that finding their way out is a time-honored Wes tradition. Also, there are millions of jokes about butt tunnels that they can make to their friends back home.
PRETENTIOUS DVD VIEWING: “No, seriously, if you want to be hip, you really have to see _______.” Sit those prefrosh down in front of the TV with a stack of DVDs that will last them the weekend.
PRETENTIOUS ITUNES LISTENING: Much the same as above. Make them think that their future acceptance at Wesleyan rests on listening their way through all of the 3.5 day music collection of the hip iTunes user of your choice. This kind of hazing breeds the hipsters of tomorrow.
PHOTOCOPYING: “Yeah, so I just handed in my thesis. Want to ‘help’ me make photocopies for all my relatives?” For a few bucks, you can teach your prefrosh everything there is to know about the Science Library photocopier.
DROPPING CUPS IN MOCON: As your prefrosh will quickly learn, Wesleyan is filled with tech-ies who prance around, do tribal dances, and make speeches in Mocon. If nothing else, your prefrosh can sit in Mocon, lying in wait for the next speech-ie tech-ie and dropping a cup whenever necessary. Awesome!
HOOKING UP: This is the ultimate independent activity. If you get lucky on this one, your prefrosh won’t even be sleeping over in your room. Way to pass on your responsibilities. It should be noted that hooking up with your own prefrosh both defeats the point and is considered bad form.
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