Wespeak virginity being taken, don’t I feel special. If you aren’t a member of the junior class, I am not writing to you. However, you may want to keep reading for the hell of it. Also maybe your influence will help my cause. Causeheads, stick to your own fucking issues; I don’t want the help of someone that will help anyone. Only true believers on my wagon, fuck the band you know.
The issue at hand: housing. I have been fortunate myself. No stupid roommates my first two years. Single in the butts made me unsocial, but maybe I already was before that happened. Single in Hewitt as a super soph and that worked out pretty well: testosterone tunnel and everything. Both years we had some parties, both years many friends got in trouble but it happens.
I would like to break for a second. I am sorry this is so serious, but this issue needs to be dealt with. Did you read the Times the other day? They are criticizing Kerry for taking the month off. He is having shoulder surgery. Give him a break. He looks like a cartoon person anyway. He isn’t quite the puppet though.
This year we made moves. Got off campus. Oak Street. Good place. Better than being stuck in low rise in this guy’s opinion. Sure the bathroom leaks into the kitchen occasionally, and our neighbor trained his dog to shit in our lawn, but no public safety and the neighbors are remarkably chill about us having different hours than them. Sounds like AWARE isn’t quite so chill.
But now campus is calling me. And my bank account’s shrinking like I threw it in freezing water. Electricity, cable, oil, booze, a fish tan—hit adds up. I mean, the set-up is nice. If you are one of those people that thinks walking more than a half-mile is too much, let me break it down.
Fuck it, I don’t care about people that use that excuse.
Anyway, on-campus seems like the perfect move for senior year. I would like a wood-frame house. I would also like a monkey to serve me my booze, dressed in a tuxedo. I would be unoriginal and name him Mojo and teach him a happy dance, I don’t need to think more than I already do. But a house, that’s realistic, provided the last guy in my housing. I mean, physical plant fixes broken toilets when you are on campus.
Thus I have arrived at my point if you are still with me. Wait, I am an asshole as usual and need to sound off. Do Patriots fans realize they have no shot, wait I hate that NYC/southern Conn/dirty jerz saying. The point is there will be no repeat because the Eagles got TO and the Freak. You heard the sports editor’s prediction already, Eagles winning the Super Bowl over the Colts.
Back to the reason I am writing a Wespeak, other than the empties. I am asking those of you with a better pick in the lottery than me to consider this (and although I have been lucky, my friends never are). The school is slowly making all houses quiet houses. That means if there is ONE confirmed noise complaint, just ONE, the administration can switch your housing. There is no possible way my house won’t get a noise complaint in the first couple weeks, most likely the first night.
The point is then: if you aren’t going to be loud, if you aren’t party-throwers, if you need walking etiquette lessons, pick a house on Lawn or Home. You are welcome to chill at my house on Fountain whenever we have a social gathering since you are chill enough to realize the right thing to do. I would prefer Vine, since no one will bother us, but I will take what we can get. The point is understand what is best for the campus and for you and me. I appreciate your time, the Talking Heads are making a comeback if you are curious. Let’s go Phils. One.
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