It takes a lot to prompt me to write a Wespeak, but right now I just simply can’t help myself. This whole chalking controversy has outraged me lately, and my anger has been building up gradually. My situation has been quite comparable to that of the Balkan Islands after the assassination of Franz Ferdinand—a powder keg on the verge of explosion. Well, Wednesday morning that powder keg in the form of my dignity did indeed explode. I’m on my way to Anthro class, and what do I see…I look down, right outside MY OWN HOME, a chalking which read “B7 is so gay, (heart symbol), Blake’s Boi-Toy.”
No this is not a joke, I have inserted a joke below so you can tell the difference. This libelous claim by some faceless coward deeply offended me. I may be stinky, rude, lazy, gay, I may even have a boi-toy, but I am certainly NOT a racist! I challenge this hatemonger to reveal his/her identity, and defend their honor in a freestyle battle or dance-off against me. This is not even the first time I have been the target of militant anti-Blake sentiment; last year it came to my attention that I had been put on the “Polite Boyz” list in the girl’s bathroom. These scars to my bad-boy image cannot continue; I can’t even show my face in the weight room anymore.
Furthermore, ever since these incidents I’ve had noticeable changes in my behavior: weight gain, reduced sexual stamina, I even quit smoking. I am all for open dialogue, and encourage this anonymous chalker to address me and settle your beef through peaceful discussion. Please contact me via email (bmaybeck), IM (blakehasgirth), or you can page me 911.
In conclusion, I wanna give a shout out to Suge Knight, Dr. Dre, Death Row Records, all the school teachers educating the youth, all the crazy people in parts of the world I’ve never been to, all the children, them little munchkins playing hopscotch and shit, the Eskimos, um, myself, the whole Brooklyn Zoo, the Women’s Squash Team, and my girl Kate Greathead keeping it real gully over in London.
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