Come on, a joke page in the joke issue? That’s some meta-ass shit. We had some fantastic ideas, but then comics had to go and make fun of us. Again. Like they have nothing better to do than start fights. But we’re taking the high road this time, comics. By publishing pictures of your bare asses (see below).
So, um, my name’s Katie, and I’m the layout editor for this bastion of reliable news reporting and fart jokes. Hi. My job right now, at 2:45 on Friday morning, is to fill enough space to finish this page. Because that’s what I do. I stay up all night putting together this thing, and not just for the free food the Argus gives me, either. It’s my undying dedication to the Ampersand.
Oh, and also because sometimes they let me control the music in the office on production nights. That means “Toxic” dance parties every hour on the hour and plenty of Prince and Jackson 5. And I’m on a Prince kick lately. So that’s what they get. As you read your Tuesday Argus (Argi?), just imagine the editors playing air guitar to “Little Red Corvette.” ‘Cause that’s what they’re doing.
Man, I just realized none of the other Amper kids are here, so I can say whatever the fuck I want. Did you know Johann’s favorite movie is “Blue Crush?” Did you know the first time I met Sascha he was eating a veggie burger and a hot dog with ketchup all sandwiched between graham crackers? Did you know Adam Freelander is the Pope? Did you know the headline font I use is a tribute to Wet Hot American Summer? These are true stories, folks. Alright, I’m out.
-Katie B
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