So Massachusetts is having a big hootenanny about gay marriage. San Francisco City Hall has been approving gay marriages. And you know what they say: “As go Massachusetts and San Francisco, so goes the country.”
Some may say that this finally moves homosexuals from second class to full fledged citizens. But thank goodness Randy Thomasson, Director of the Campaign for California Families, one of the groups challenging the marriages in court, is there to provide a voice of reason when he says that the mayor of San Francisco, Gavin Newsom, “can’t play God.”
Because really. What is God’s job if not to sit behind a desk in San Francisco City Hall and stamp marriage certificates? If that’s not his job, I really don’t know what I’ve been doing with my life. What does it all mean? Next thing you know, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom is going to be calling upon the heavens to split open and rain down upon the earth for forty days and forty nights.
Unfortunately, Randy Thomasson cannot do it all. He needs help in the fight to keep marriage from getting all gayed up. Gays have been gaying up venerable institutions for years, and marriage is the heterosexuals’ Custer’s Last Stand.
As for marriage, well, marriage has always been a sacred arrangement. Marriages take place between men and women who love each other. Or strangers vying for money on reality shows like The Bachelor or Joe Millionaire or My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance. You can understand how allowing homosexuals to marry would tarnish this venerated institution’s image.
Now, I’m sure that some radical out there could twist our words around to make it seem like we are afraid of homosexuals, or that we have something against them marrying.
First of all, we have absolutely no problem with gay marriage. We fully support gay marriage. As long as it’s not to another gay person. There are plenty of closeted homosexuals around the country pretending to live happy domestic lives.
As for homosexuals themselves, let us say we at the Ampersand have nothing against Elton John, or Ian McKellen, or Tinky Winky. These people have good jobs. And these people are not going to get married in the United States. They are British or fictitious. Or both. But we do not have any irrational fear of them, nor do we hold anything against them. Other than that they’re gay.
Leave a Reply