Love is in the air: Cupid has drawn his arrow, and we are flooded with hearts, chocolates and images of men and women kissing and boys and girls exchanging valentines. These ubiquitous media representations tend to favor the hetero-normative aspects of Valentine’s Day, so what about the queer perspective?
“There’s no universal experience of Valentine’s Day for queer people, just like there’s not one for the straight community,” said Aaron Welo ’04, a member of the queer community.
And indeed, ask anyone of any sexual persuasion, of any letter of the endless acronym, about their feelings on the holiday, and you will receive all sorts of answers, regardless of one’s sexuality. For this reason, it is difficult and risky to make generalizations about queer perspectives.
While each individual holds unique opinions regarding Valentine’s Day, popular media has been able to generalize the holiday, featuring straight relationships and couples.
“Most of the popular culture images of Valentine’s Day are straight, but I generally live in a largely media-free and very queer bubble, so I don’t feel particularly put upon to be straight. After a certain point you get sort of desensitized to most things being straight,” Welo said.
“Valentine’s Day has the potential to be quite queer,” said Maria Morse ’05. “Hundreds of years ago there were traditions of love lotteries and polyamory, which are both queer concepts. The media makes it seem so straight, cheapening the whole concept.”
Morse also described Valentine’s Day as being “prepackaged,” a holiday that applies to everyone regardless of sexual orientation. Valentine’s Day provides commercial pretenses of love and relationships that may not be completely natural.
“[Valentine’s Day] is focused on the couple as a closed erotic system, and that is not the way personal histories of love or sex seem to actually work,” said Claire Potter, Associate Professor of American Studies and History. “Here’s the one day where we valorize the couple, when the rest of the years folks just seem to be bursting out of couples.”
This focus and emphasis on the couple seems to be a fairly significant difference between queer and straight perspectives on not only Valentine’s Day, but also relationships in general and year round.
“Queer folks are constantly loving one person and having sex with a bunch of others,” Potter said.
“Normative relationships are typically monogamous. Queer relationships can be polyamorous, and still be considered legitimate,” Morse said.
So while normative views of relationships provide for stressful Februaries trying to find a Valentine, queer views of more open relationships translate into a less defined and specified celebration of the holiday.
“Valentine’s Day is a queer celebration of all forms of erotic connections- perhaps a kiss on the cheek, a one night stand who you’ll never speak to again, dancing with your crush, or cuddling with your monogamous lover on the couc—he possibilities for sexual expression are endless. The best Valentine’s Day experiences are like the best valentines- not prepackaged, but unexpected, intriguing and amusing,” Morse said.
No matter how you feel about Valentine’s Day or where you find yourself sexually inclined, enjoy your Saturday this weekend. Everyone at Wesleyan can make their own personal decisions about Valentine’s Day.
“I hope Valentine’s Day reminds Wesleyan students that they can make the liberal choice to become sexually uninhibited creatures. Sex is a big deal, but only because it’s fun. And romance, well, that can be included too, if you choose,” Morse said.
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