“I am waiting for Mr./Ms. Right to come for me.”
“I have pledged my everlasting fidelity and chastity to everyone, thereby eliminating everyone from being the object of my affections.”
“I am living a life of virtue.”
“I love from afar.”
“Physical affection or acknowledgement of my existence cannot hold a candle to my large collection of stuffed animals and letters I have written to myself.”
“Temporary Insanity.”
“I’m just too intimidating.”
“I haven’t accepted any date invitations because I want to keep my options open for any date invitations I might get.”
“It’s hard to find time for a relationship, what with all the crying alone in my room I’m doing these days.”
“I was born without a heart and/or functional genitalia.”
“I’m married.”
“I’m married… to Jesus.”
“Porn is a full-time relationship.”
“I’ve jumped on hip new ‘sterilization bandwagon’.”
“I don’t want to date in a world that would tear apart as loving a couple as Britney and what’s-his-face.”
“I have to kill any girl I’m attracted, to due to my dead mother’s constant nagging.”
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