– Polar insulated tassels
– A men’s choir that follows you around and sings songs about your breasts. It’s a plus if they’re castratos.
– Frozen t-shirt contest
– Be 85 feet tall
– Hit people in the face with them
– Carry around a space heater like the guy who carries around the boom box in “Do the Right Thing.” Only it’s a space heater and you have breasts. In case you’re confused, the space heater makes the temperature suitable for breast liberation.
– Alternately, you could carry around your breasts like a boombox. That would get them noticed. Especially if they play music.
– Hell, just have breasts that play music. Or talk. Or make sandwiches or can make change or something. Point is, you’ve got to have an angle.
– If you’re a guy, just have breasts. They’ll get noticed.
– Get a tattoo that says “breasts.” Get it on your breasts. True, this doesn’t help much with the temperature problem. But it would be awesome. (Editor’s note: not really.)
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