CHAD: THINGS ARE TOTALLY SWEET
So things are totally sweet these days. First off, my name, Chad, is a pretty awesome name, I think you’ll agree. Second, last week in Mocon, I totally defeated my arch-rival in a battle of both strength and wits. Not only did I correct his atrocious pronounciation of French New-Wave film director Francois Truffaut’s name, but I beat him about the head and legs with a tray. That was totally sweet. Third on my list of totally sweet things is my girlfriend, who’s both totally hot and thinks I’m a tiger in the sack, especially compared to her ex-boyfriend, whom I beat about the head and legs with a tray the other week. Fourth is the fact that my roommate moved out, so I have a Clark double to myself. And the final thing making my life totally sweet right now is the wallet I found. It was stuffed with cash and had no identifying features, so I kept it and spent the cash on a new iPod, and a matching one for my girlfriend. Now we can both shake it like a Polaroid picture wherever we go. Sweet.
LEONARD: THINGS TOTALLY SUCK
Things totally suck these days. My name is Leonard, which is pretty lame. I don’t know if it was mine, but I seem to recall some sort of argument about a name occurring in Mocon last week. I have pretty bad amnesia, though, from being beaten about the head and legs with some sort of blunt object. And then my girlfriend left me for some other dude. Unfortunately, he lives next door to me here in Clark (by the way, I have Room 402, the smallest double on campus) so I hear my ex-girlfriend screaming his name (Chad) all night and all day. I guess it wouldn’t bother me except that she’s constantly saying “You’re so much better than Leonard in the sack! And your penis is so very, very much larger!” Anyway, I lost my wallet, too. I had taken out my ID to pay for some milk at the Campus Center, and after being told I had no points left, I realized my wallet was gone. Man, things totally suck.
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