Because of such factors as heternormativity, the administration, and the chalking ban, the academic study of hipness at Wesleyan has been woefully overlooked for far too long. This injustice must end! Hipsters and Hippies Against Hipness Appropriation (HAHAHA) hereby makes the following demands of the administration:
1. An interdisciplinary major focusing on Hipness Studies, including the following concentrations: Heartfelt acoustic guitar strumming, Apathetic electric guitar holding,, Smoking Pot, Smoking Parliaments, Wearing tie-dye, Wearing leather jackets, Posing, and Posing.
2. Increased study abroad opportunities, such as a year in London learning how to be two years ahead of American music and also cultivating a totally hot accent, a year communing with the llamas of Peru whilst growing organic coffee (weed), and a semester in New York sleeping in (on) the home (floor) of a host family (heroin addicted performance artist.)
3. The HIPI department demands guest professors such as Cheech, Chong, and Jerry Garcia. The HPSR department demands Stephen Malkmus and Steve Albini, and the ugly one from Sleater-Kinney.
4. Field study and internships at the Pabst Blue Ribbon Factory, Organic Fruit Co-ops, Sub Pop records, or somewhere in the jungle with some monkeys or something.
5. Class options for both the HPSR and HIPI sections, including:
HPSR 204- Pumas vs. Chuck Taylors: The eternal struggle
HPSR 312- Homosexuality: Why are the Strokes always friggin’ making out with each other?!
HPSR 105- How to use your iPod as a supercollider and/or to make everyone jealous (cross w/ Physics)
HIPI 101/HPSR 101- How to not shower for weeks on end: cultivating grease and dirt
HIPI 220- Don’t eat the fuzzy bunnies: Being vegan for political, getting ass purposes (cross w/ E&ES)
HPSR 317- Thrift store culture: Get the good clothes before the poor people do (cross w/ ECON)
HPSR 150- Irony in literature, mesh-backed hats (cross w/ ENGL)
HIPI 243- Growing your own herbs, mushrooms (cross w/ BIOL)
HIPI 300- The 60s: Things were so much groovier back then (cross w/ HIST)
HPSR 300- The 70s: Reflecting on the mod vs. rocker struggle (cross w/ HIST)
HIPI/HPSR Junior colloquium- Feigning political interest: Just how much do you need to know? (cross w/ GOVT)
HPSR 170- Pants: How tight is too tight?
HIPI 170- Pants: How loose is too loose?
HIPI 280- Tie-dye your own sarong (cross w/ ARTS)
HPSR 405- David Lynch: What the hell is going on? (cross w/ FILM)
HPSR 410- Name-dropping: Picking up chicks (or dudes) with the help of The Fall (cross w/ MUSC)
HIPI103/HPSR103- Guitar: Which three chords do I need to know? (cross w/ MUSC)
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