So there I was, reading the Argus. Way in back, I came across a column by Hetert-Qebu A. Walters about multiculturalism. I always thought multiculturalism was a good thing. Way wrong. It turns out that it’s all about consuming parts of other peoples’ cultures, even though we don’t understand them.
Walters really struck a chord with me on that one. Damn, I was eating tacos without thinking about Mexican sweatshops. Not to mention the fact that I have no idea what cultural significance the taco has in Mexico, except that it seems more Tex-Mex anyway, and what do the Texans have to do with all this?
Ok, I thought. Take it easy. You can fix this. Just because you are a fat, white, straight, upper middle class, American male doesn’t mean that you can’t lead a life free of oppressive multiculturalism. The first step was to take care of the things Walters specifically mentioned. Yoga? Never cared for that anyway. Out. Chopsticks? Please, I’ll use my fingers. Oh wait, don’t they do that in India? Shit. Ok, fork it is. Taco Bell? Do I have to? Yes. Gone.
Fine, so I figured I was in the clear. Wrong. What about my black, gay, and even female friends? Were they really my friends, or did I just hang out with them because they seem dangerous and edgy? Better cut them all loose, just to be safe. Wouldn’t want to accidentally use any of them.
Ok, then on to my fashion. Abercrombie isn’t multicultural, is it? Made… in… China… Ah… Fuck. I found a sheet that was made in America. I figured I would make some clothes out of it, and some for my friends, so we could hang out without fear of consuming anyone. But clothes are hard to make. So I just made some pointy hat thingies with eye-holes. I think it’ll work just fine.
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