Brendan: In the interest of time, our producers say that we have to bring out both of our guests at the same time. Please welcome our first guest, psychic medium, John Edward, star of the tv show “Crossing Over.”

Brian: Our worse guest is animal expert, Richard Idelbert. (enter John Edward and Richard).

John Edward: First, let me thank you for having me. I have a new book coming out.

Brian: That’s great but we aren’t that interested in talking to you.

JE: Excuse me?

Brian: Yeah, we were hoping you could channel the spirit of someone actually interesting.

JE: Well that’s not really how it works.

Brian: Is this called Late Night with John Edward? No. It’s called my show so I make the rules. Now do Regis Philbin.

JE: I can’t just do that. And anyway, I think he’s still alive.

Brian: Look man, don’t be a douche. Just go with me on this one. Now put on Philbin!

JE: Okay…I’m seeing a ‘K’.

Brian: That’s Kathy Lee!

Brendan: Maybe it’s Kelly Ripa.

Richard: John, could you channel a dinosaur?

Brendan: That doesn’t even make sense. Dinosaurs don’t speak English, that’d be a bad interview. Regis say something funny!

JE: (begrudgingly) Well, Joy’s doing well. We played tennis with Gelman last weekend. Who wants to be a millionaire?!

Brian: Regis, very important question, what’s your favorite color?

JE: I’m seeing Yellow. Also, Regis Philbin is telling me to tell all of you that you should buy John Edward’s new book. On sale this Friday.

Brendan: Who the fuck is John Edwards?

Richard Idelbert: That guy you’ve been interviewing…

Brian: Now do Walken, Philbin!

Brendan: How about Woody Allen?

JE: Look, you guys are mistaken. I don’t do impressions and all these people are still alive.

Brendan: Oh, come on. Just one Shatner.

Richard: I would like to talk to a Dodo Bird.

Brian: Richard!? When did you come out here. Let’s talk about some animals!

JE: The book is called-

Brian: Shut up, Philbin! You had your time.

Brendan: Thank you so much Dr. Idelbert for coming here. What animals did you bring for us tonight?

Richard: What? Brought?

Brian: The animals you brought.

Richard: No, I didn’t bring any animals. I actually don’t handle animals at all, haha. I just know a lot about animals.

Brendan: But Doctor–

Richard: Please! Doctor Idelbert was my father, and he won’t let me forget it. I’m just a high school gym coach.

Brian: Well, Coach Idelbert, what about all the zany antics that animals do on these shows?

Richard: Well…you could feed me.

Brendan : What? No! Get out of here.

Brian: We hate both of you. Never come back. Executive Producer, James Frey, make sure we never book these two knuckleheads again!

Brendan: Well this has been a lot harder than we thought.

Brian: Tune in tomorrow for two all new hosts. Stay tuned for paid advertising.