Spring Fling Through History

By Andrew Bean

Everyone has their own opinion as to who should play Spring Fling this May, but wish with caution: Your favorite act may not turn out as planned. Take these tales of Spring Flings past as tales of caution…

1896: Way, way back, the “Spring-time Gaiety Festival” did not just feature music, but plays, lectures, and vaudeville. The 1896 production of “Henry VIII” took place during a torrential rainstorm, and the producers, not thinking to book an indoor spot in case of rain, performed outdoors, in front of a sparse crowd. Three cast members came down with pneumonia, and the actress playing Anne Boleyn was struck by lightning. The Connecticut Shakespeare Guild later settled out of court.

1928: Kevin Kingsbury and the 5^th Street Quartet refuse to finish their set when the stage is overrun with kids doing the Charleston. This particular Spring Fling was also notable for a buried still of bathtub gin exploding under Foss Hill.

1951: A series of four different acts are scheduled for Spring Fling, and each is declared communist. No live music is ultimately scheduled, replaced by a record playing God Bless America and a medley of John Phillip Sousa marches.

1975: In an incredible coup, the Spring Fling committee manages to book Elvis after the previously scheduled Neil Young is forced to back out due to a confrontation with an angry southerner. The performance, rescheduled from its usual time to nightfall, attracts thousands to Foss Hill, but the King doesn’t take the stage until 11:30 and proceeds to slur through his songs, talk for ten minutes about his recent bowel movements, and fall face-first into the crowd in the middle of “Suspicious Minds.”

1988: Rick Astley rolls into Spring Fling. He is underappreciated.

1992: Two divergent groups on the activities board spend the entirety of the winter pushing for 2 Live Crew and Sinead O’Connor, respectively. After tensions rise to the point where every meeting ends in a flurry of racial and sexual orientation-related slurs, the administration steps in and selects a compromise act. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch ends up pleasing no one.

This article was posted in the print edition as part of the Wesleyan Argus Ampersand. It is satire and should not be construed as fact.