5. Chumbawumba
Then: You loved them for their insidiously catchy single “Tubthumping.”
Now: You love them because they’re hardcore anarcho-punks.
4. “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”
Then: They had nunchucks! Plus, picking your favorite of the four was a pretty good basis for picking your friends. Also, nunchucks!
Now: The drugs add so many interesting wrinkles to this sho—amely, what kind of bizarre sexual pervert was April? She clearly wanted to do a bunch of mutant turtles.
3. Full House
Then: You watched the show compulsively for its cute Aryan babies, simplistic moralism and model father, Danny Tanner. Not to mention the fact that, along with Family Matters and Step by Step, it was on UPN around eight times a day.
Now: You realize that the Olsen twins are drug-addled corporate moguls, “Joey” received fellatio from Alanis Morisette in a movie theater and (after watching “The Aristocrats”) that Bob Saget is a sick, sick fuck.
2. Sugary Cereals
Then: It was like candy for breakfast, and it usually came with a toy.
Now: It’s candy for fucking breakfast, and it usually comes with a fucking toy.
1. Disney World
Then: Going to Disney World was like visiting another planet where everything boring became awesome. This truly seemed like how the world should be.
Now: You can write your honors thesis about alterity, “The Other,” and Orientalism in the context of The Country Bears Jamboree.
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