Going

As I read last week’s Argus, it was difficult to ignore the disquieting warmth emanating off of yet another steaming pile of North College bullshit. Wesleyan has “only” $800 million, which makes us too “poor” to launch significant new sustainability initiatives. Or so we’re told. Again.

I have no beef with the authors of these well-written pieces, and I applaud the work of Wesleyan’s environmental student group EON for its efforts to “green” the campus. The problem I have is NorthCo’s constant comparison to “peer” schools like Williams and Amherst. First off, why do we want two of the stuffiest, tooliest, preppiest schools to be our “peers?” Secondly, they’re way out of our league. If Wesleyan is US News & World Report’s #13 school, isn’t the comparison to #1 and #2 a bit self-indulgent? We shouldn’t cling to an archaic, McKinley-era athletic rivalry as an excuse to cheap out on Mother Nature.

We have $800 million, which is, you know, a whole lot of money. And all we’re doing is accumulating it. Why? Who knows. Maybe it’s time for another $45 million Usdan monstrosity — you know, the soul-crushing type that offers fewer dining options, less convenience, and sterile ambience. Or we can all continue to eat up the line that we need a new $160 million science center. Shanklin’s classic beauty really rubs us all the wrong way anyhow. Or maybe there’s a new Mocon that needs tearing down? Whatever the case, there’s no funding to spare. Any extra money must be spent on progress and excellence.

We’re told that there’s no room in the budget for new environmental initiatives. Wesleyan is already having trouble funding the overheating of our classrooms and dorms (so that windows can be opened in the winter). We’re pinching pennies to save enough money to keep the Usdan and Freeman lights on 24/7. Don’t you dare question why the grass gets mowed twice a week (hint: it’s an obsessive-compulsive disorder). And may hell freeze over the day PSafe trades in its two SUVs for bicycles or hybrids.

With a quarter-million-dollar per student endowment, Wesleyan has ten times the resources compared to the University of Vermont. Yet UVM managed to rank far above us in the sustainability index that we read about in last week’s Argus. Meanwhile, Maine’s College of the Atlantic has an endowment of less than $20 million but takes sustainability very seriously. After reducing emissions whenever feasible and buying wind-generated energy, CoA offsets 100% of its remaining carbon footprint. UVM and CoA, however, are far too poor to be our equals (I heard that CoA lives in a trailer park!). We don’t have nearly as much money as our peers Williams and Amherst, so how can we spend on environmental issues when we’re so poor? In all seriousness, the $800 million “underdog” Wesleyan may never have enough money to compete for per-capita endowment with Williams and Amherst, our so-called “peers.” But that doesn’t mean we can’t compete environmentally.

President Roth, take notice: you don’t need to be the richest school in America to dedicate more attention to environmentalism. In fact, we might look progressive or excellent if we took the issue even more seriously.

Let’s face it: Wesleyan is filthy, filthy rich. We’re one of the wealthiest educational institutions on earth. The only way North College escapes environmental leadership is by scapegoating our “puny” near-billion-dollar endowment. There are always going to be Joneses (or Williamses) to keep up with. If Wesleyan would finally forget about our “peers” and redirect a mere fraction of its fabulous wealth, perhaps we could do something serious about the environment.

But wouldn’t it just be easier to keep on bitching? I heard Amherst’s daddy bought her a new BMW.