By Eric Klothen
Dear Ampersand:
Congratulations! You have officially hit rock bottom by making fun of the recent dinner at Psi U that was meant to honor the memory of deceased Fire Captain Joseph Pagano Jr. Though I am sure you Ampersand writers and editors (and Ampersand fans, if there are any) will accuse me of writing simply because I am a Psi U brother, that is not the case; I am writing this because you have deliberately and cruelly insulted not only Psi U but also the Firefighters and Policeman of Middlesex county as well as the memory of Joseph Pagano. Do you, the writers of the Ampersand, forget that you are residents of Middletown? Do you forget that you, like all of us living here, rely on the Middletown Fire and Police Departments to help keep us safe? Tell you what: next time you see a robbery happening or a fire starting up, play the hero and stop it. I’m sure the police and firefighters would appreciate the help.
See, we tend to forget that we’re Middletown residents while we’re at Wesleyan. We tend to forget that the Middletown fire department responds to roughly 70 million false alarms a year at Wesleyan alone, many in the middle of the night on a weekend. We also tend to forget that Wesleyan is located very close to an area where crime rates are high, and that the much derided Middletown PD helps ensure that violence and crime do not encroach onto the Wesleyan campus. At the very least I hope none of us forget that fulfilling the aforementioned duties requires these public servants to endanger their lives.
While the Ampersand is at its best somewhat amusing though composed of wholly puerile humor, it seems you imagine yourselves as satirists extraordinaire. Allow me to remind you of something: satire is supposed to be funny. While I am not sure of many things, I can be certain of this: none of the colleagues, friends and family of Joseph Pagano, many of whom were present at the dinner in question, find your pathetic attempt at satire funny.
Ampersand writers and editors, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Though I’m sure an apology to Psi U is out of the question and below your demonstrably lofty standards, you owe the Firefighters and Policemen of Middletown as well as the family of Joseph Pagano, Jr. an apology for using fifth grade humor to cheapen an event meant to recognize the sacrifices they make on our behalves. You also owe it to them to think before you write. Why don’t you begin by trying to think of something that will make the Ampersand funny?
Sincerely,
Erich Klothen
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