Wesleyan has a serious problem. Okay, depending on your level of young adult angst, Wesleyan may have many problems. For a moment though, let’s forget the poor condition of senior houses or the fact that Wesleyan needs a new president. The real issue on this campus has become a serious hazard, which I can no longer tolerate. I want to make a stand against ACORNS.
The administration has yet to address the increased number of acorns blanketing the campus this semester. Not only I, but many others, have fallen (literally) victim to these perilous nuts. I am no physics major, but I believe these nuts fall at great velocities. Think of the damage to our fragile, academic skulls!
Therefore, I call on Wesleyan to look into this issue and remove the acorns. Consider this: perhaps Wesleyan is squirrel deficient. Get more squirrels or maybe sell the natural nuts in fine packaging at Weshop. So get on that, administration. Let’s save the integrities, bones and brains of Wesleyan students. So please hear my cry, see my fall, feel my embarrassment and just remove the acorns.
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