Peter Jennings: Most Americans right now feel that the recession in this country is largely over. In light of what is widely perceived as a national economic upturn, how do you plan to take on the President on the economy? Senator Palpatine, you have the floor.
Joe Lieberman: Lieberman.
Peter Jennings: Hey, remember Star Wars: Episode I! That movie was bad, right?!
Joe Lieberman: I don’t think George Lucas should have made a career of being a director. He had one good movie in him, and he made it, and he should have quit after that.
John Kerry: Bitch, do not knock American Graffiti, I am warning you do not knock American Graffiti. Peel out! [Editor’s note: Obscure movie reference.][Editor’s editor’s note: Watch more movies, moron!][Editor’s note: Freakin’ film majors.]
Howard Dean: Go to my website.
John Edwards: Hey, I know this is a random time to bring this up, but I just saw Mulholland Drive. Do you guys understand what the fuck is happening in that movie?
John Kerry: No, fuck no. Absolutely not.
Al Sharpton: Yes!! I read a theory on salon.com
Wesley Clark: I read that too!! It’s all about how the first part of the movie is her –
Al Sharpton: Is her dream!
Wesley Clark: Yes!! It’s her dream! It’s like, her fantasy of what she imagines Hollywood to be, and the later part, with everything fucked up, is actually her reality, though it’s done in that surreal Lynch way, but it’s what’s actually happening in real life.
Al Sharpton: And the part when they go to the theater, the whole “there is no band” scene, is like this metaphor for everything else that’s going on in the movie.
Wesley Clark: Oh my god, when I read that I was like, “holy shit it makes sense now.”
John Edwards: I have to see that movie again.
Wesley Clark: Yeah, you really need to see it more than once for it to make sense.
Dennis Kucinich: I watched it on acid and afterwards I cut myself up. Holy fuck, what a night.
Peter Jennings: Gentlemen, I’d like to remind you to keep your answers to under two minutes. Moving on to the next question. The capture of Saddam Hussein seems to have at least partially validated the invasion of Iraq and the Bush administration’s national security doctrine. In light of this, how would you challenge the president on foreign policy in a national election? Representative Kucinich, your response.
Dennis Kucinich: Oh, that just reminded me of a fucking good story. Have I told you guys this yet? I don’t think I have…anyways it was five years ago, it was right after Clinton got impeached I remember, and I was dropping acid with my cousin…I don’t mean to be the drugs guy tonight, I don’t actually do that many drugs, this is just a really fucking terrific story.
Anyways, so I’m tripping, and I start to hear music. It was the first six tracks of Speakerboxxx, playing over and over in my head. Five fucking years before the album came out! It just fucking came to me!
Joe Lieberman: No fucking way.
Dennis Kucinich: I swear to god, I fucking swear to god. Obviously I didn’t know it was Speakerboxxx until recently, and that was an experience, the first time I realized. But it happened, I swear, I heard the first six songs while I was tripping in 1999.
John Kerry: Kucinich, seriously, you tell the best stories, sometimes I’m like, “where the fuck did this guy come from?” But you’re so funny dude. You’re so funny.
Peter Jennings: Gentlemen, if we could just try and stay on topic here, it would-
Joe Lieberman: Shit, I can’t believe this has never come up before, but which disc do you guys like better?
John Kerry: Oh, Speakerboxx, definitely.
Dennis Kucinich: Me too, I like Speakerboxxx.
Howard Dean: Speakerboxxx.
Wesley Clark: The Love Below.
Al Sharpton: Speakerboxxx, absolutely.
John Edwards: Speak-err-box! UH!!
Joe Lieberman: I like The Love Below.
Howard Dean: Please go to my website. It has a blog.
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