If not Scientologist, you’re not getting on my spaceship

Listen up, medicating your kids is NOT OKAY! STOP taking adderall as a study drug! Attention Deficit Disorder is not real. Just like my marriage with Katie Holmes. And my heterosexuality.

And while I’m here, DO YOU HAVE A COUCH I CAN JUMP ON! Because I, friends, am in love. And LIFE IS GREAT!!!!!!!! Did anyone see me and R. Kelly on South Park? I am typing this letter while sitting in my small, damp closet.

Also, Mission Impossible 3 is dropping this summer.

Nicole Kidman: too much of a woman for me. She’s Australian and I don’t like the land down undah!

And if you’re not Scientologist, you’re not getting on my spaceship.

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