A recent experiment by a Wesleyan graduate student has confirmed what many already suspected: Mocon sprays “gay” on the salad.
“I can’t believe the administration has been deceiving me,” says Samantha Hurley, ’09, a former salad bar devotee. “But it’s all making sense to me now. I mean, rationally, I didn’t want to play that drunken game of spin the bottle with all of my girl friends. It just happened. And now that I think about it, K.D Lang sucks.”
Homoeroxide, or “gay spray,” is a flavorless, translucent liquid often added to unattended drinks at woman rugby team parties.
“The evidence is damning,” says Joseph Ackerson, who is claiming responsibility for the discovery. “Each year, rumors circulate about spray-on carbs or laxatives in the food at Mocon, but the truth is quite different. Someone out there has an interest in turning fit,body-conscious freshman girls into lesbians.”
Leave a Reply