Ah, Wesfest. The weekend where bonds are formed and dreams come true. Hundreds of wide-eyed fawns (also known as prefrosh) invade the campus like locusts, hoping they will have one experience that will take away the fear of deciding on a college. As I watched them scurry about, I took notes on their behavior. Below is a true conversation. I have written it in the only way I know how after writing my thesis: screenplay format.
INT. ADMISSIONS OFFICE – DAY.
[Camera pans across the bustling admissions office, as teens are picked up by freshman and sophomore hosts. The room quickly empties, and we’re left with BETHANY SMITH, 17, sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting. She wears a Death Cab for Cutie shirt, a fuschia skirt, and fishnet stockings. On her feet: Converses. She picks at her chipped vamp nail polish, and tugs at her swoopy bangs. Suddenly, she looks up. KATIE, 20, walks up to her holding a pamphlet and tote bag.]
KATIE
Hello, I’m a Wesfest Intern. Your host for the weekend is drunk on Foss Hill right now. Here’s a tote bag and a campus map. Inside you will find a plastic wallet, some breath mints, and a trial pack of tampons.
[Bethany looks through the bag as she speaks. When she looks up, Katie is gone.]
BETHANY
(to no one)
Um, thank you.
[Bethany sits back, unsure of what to do next. She leans her head on the back of the couch, and closes her eyes, not realizing that she is resting on someone’s shoulder.]
JANICE FERGUSON
Excuse me, but could you not invade my personal space?
[Bethany quickly sits up, and looks over to see JANICE FERGUSON, also 17. Janice wears her flowing Nubian locks in beautiful braids and has on stylish sunglasses. She is very friendly, but not to be f’ed with. As she gesticulates, her jazzy bangles clink like ice in a glass.]
BETHANY
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I just got tired…
JANICE
It’s fine, whatev. What’s your name?
BETHANY
I’m Bethany. But you can call me B, if you want.
JANICE
I’m Janice Zora Neale Ferguson.
(they shake hands)
So, your host ditched you?
BETHANY
Yeah. This sucks. Now I’m going to have to find a college boy to hook up with so I can sleep over at his place.
JANICE
That’s what Katie suggested I do.
[Both girls look outside and see Katie slumped on a bench, smoking a cigarette. Random prefrosh approach her fearfully, and she refuses to acknowledge them.]
[Janice notices Bethany is staring intently at her head.]
JANICE
What?
BETHANY
(embarrassed, but excited)
Oh, nothing, it’s just… your hair is really cool.
JANICE
(rolling her eyes)
[Awkward pause. Bethany smacks herself in the head, ashamed of being so Caucasian.]
EXT. FOSS HILL – LATER.
They stand at the bottom of Foss Hill, which is chock full of people. Girls lounge around in their bras. Shirtless, pasty boys toss Frisbees. Fire-twirlers perform in a shady patch of grass. At the top of the hill, one student fucks the binary. Bethany stands speechless. Then she gasps:
BETHANY
Wow. It’s so… diverse.
JANICE
Whoop-de-frickin’-doo. Those boys need on a shirt or something, cause that is not good for business.
BETHANY
I think they’re cute.
(beat)
So, what’s it like being a Negress?
JANICE
Excuse me?!
BETHANY
I don’t mean to be rude, I just wanted to engage in a constructive discourse. Both my parents went to Wesleyan, and they always told me to ask questions. We can only learn by telling our stories!
JANICE
(really excited, sarcastic)
Well, it’s great. I get discounts at T.G.I. Friday’s, free movie passes, and a Kwanzaa bonus every year!
BETHANY
That’s cool. This whole time, I’d grown up thinking I should feel guilty— But you’ve got it made!
[Janice looks at Bethany in disbelief. Without a word, she gets up and walks away. Bethany calls after her desperately. ]
BETHANY
Jan, where ya going?! Wanna meet… up… later?! I’ve got some…pot!
[Janice doesn’t respond. Bethany sits, dejected. However, her sadness is momentary, as three hipsters and an activist approach her. ]
HIPSTER 1
Do you have some pot?
FADE OUT.
Janice decided to go to Spelman College in Atlanta. Bethany hopes to live in Clark next year.
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