1. Plantains and bananas will finally agree that they are pretty much the same thing if you leave them both in your refrigerator over spring break.
2. Dolphins will develop opposable thumbs. They will subsequently figure out how to open beer cans. Shit will be fucked up.
3. In the 2nd season of Project Runway: Iraq, audiences will be disappointed when Ahmad Austin Scarlett Ibn Mundiqh is elimated after judges decide that his burka design is “too flamboyant.”
4. All of the Ampersand’s current staff will have been unemployed since graduation.
5. Kriss Kross will make a comeback. I, for one will jump jump.
6. TheFacebook.com will become self-aware. Shit will be fucked up. Thankfully, highly trained dolphin armies will defeat thefacebook.com. And Michael Bay will make a movie about it.
7. When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, “Come!” I looked, and there before me was a pale horse. Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth. (Rev. 6:7-8)
8. Deepthroat’s identity will be revealed to be Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Historians will wonder how Bob Woodward was tricked by three cartoon ducks standing on each other’s shoulders inside a giant trench coat.
9. Your mother will still be a slut.
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