At colleges around the nation, graduation looms for the Class of 2005 and schools are gradually announcing their commencement speakers. I’ve watched as my friends have graduated over the past few years, listening to words of wisdom from Oprah Winfrey, the Queen of Jordan, Jon Stewart, Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, and actors from the Cosby show. This year friends at Haverford will hear from Dave Matthews, Williams students will hear the thoughts of New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman and head of the NAACP Julian Bond, Brown students will hear from Bill Clinton, and Oberlin students will hear from Amnesty International head Bill Schultz. And Wesleyan? I waited with anticipation for the announcement. Who will we, the Wesleyan Class of 2005, hear from as we leave college behind and embark on our life journeys? (drum roll)… Amy Gutteman!!!
Let me suppress my complete and overwhelming delight and excitement. Amy Gutteman, for those of you who for some bizarre reason may not know, is the President of the University of Pennsylvania. A google search shows that she’s also written a bunch of books on democracy. WOW am I excited!!! It’s almost like I went to U-Penn!!! And while one may think that Wes’ reception of President Gutteman is the start of some new program designed to promote sharing and outreach amongst America’s finest schools, and voice pity for those U-Penn students who might have to listen to the mumbles of Dougie B., such is not the case. While we listen to U-Penn’s president, Penn students will be listening to some guy named Kofi Annan, who’s apparently the head of something called the “United Nations”. Sucks to be them. So on May 22nd, while I’m sitting groggy on a plastic chair on Andrus field, I will contemplate how, once again, Wes has fallen short of my expectations. At the very least, the Class of 2005 deserves an explanation for this latest and final disappointment.
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