We get it. The Butts is a confusing place: It’s easy to get lost there, and it comes with a unique set of social norms and customs. For all you more centrally-located Wesleyan citizens, we (the Buttfolk) have created this little phrase book so that you may never again find yourself geographically (or culturally) bewildered by the Butterfield dorms and the Buttfolk within them.
The Butt-Hole: The central courtyard of the Butterfields complex. Home to regular late-night crowds, semi-regular jugglers, occasional song circles, and way too much lawn to be ecologically rational.
The Butt-Cracks: The liminal spaces between Butterfield buildings.
The Butt Plug: When your friends/RAs/tour guides try to convince you that the Butts’ unfortunate location is made up for by its quirky and tight-knit culture, quick and easy access to Summies late-night, and large quantities of washing machines.
Headbutt: Don’t call your RAs this, unless they’re really chill.
Butt-Load: Often carried by stalwart Cardinal athletes, this term refers to the sheer amount of boxes and bags lugged across the Butt-Hole into Butts buildings on move-in day.
To Butt Heads: A potentially violent altercation between two or more Butts residents, often stemming from the alphabetical warfare between their buildings.
To Nip in the Butt: When functions in the Butt-Hole have only just begun, yet unforeseen PSafe officers and/or rainstorms start to arrive with undesirable frequency.
Butt-Chin: The most desirable physical feature to any discerning resident of Butts.
Butt-Ugly: A disparaging term, implying that the 1980s prison–core interior design of the Butterfield dorms is not, in fact, aesthetically pleasing.
Kissing Butt: When non-Buttfolk attempt flattery and/or sycophancy in an attempt to plumb the wealth of mystery and aura surrounding the Butts community.
Buttfucking: Refers to sexual relations between two or more Buttfolk, ideally not directly in front of the floor-length windows. See also:
Butt Naked: Refers to the visibility of Butts residents who leave their windows open, especially at night with lights on, putting their whole lives on display, often to their own embarrassment.
To Have a Stick Up One’s Butt: A common mass hysteria–like phenomenon wherein resentment builds over the inadequate facilities reportedly experienced in the Butts.
Cl@rk: A most wretched slur only used by those caught up in the illusion that “air conditioning” exists anywhere beyond the newly renovated first floor.
Butterfingers: Regular visitors (nonresidents) of the Butterfields who get their hands greasy from the food of Summerfields, and subsequently abandon the great complex, often only leaving behind their elitist (Cl@rk-tainted, for example) grease stains.
To Work Your Butt Off: The process by which, over several semesters of hard work at Wesleyan, you may eventually find yourself leaving the Butts for a low-rise, a senior apartment, a program house, or even W&stC*.
Will you feel a little pang in your Butt of Butts when it finally comes time to go? As you gaze back at the Butt-Hole—the site of so much of the festivity and glory of your youth—will a sigh not escape your lips? As you turn to face your more “centrally-located” future, the nostalgia may be a lot to stomach. But remember, no matter how far you roam, your Butt will always be a part of you.
The Buttfolk Collective, Clio Moock, Ari Kaufman, and Josephine Almond, can be reached at cmoock@wesleyan.edu, akaufman01@wesleyan.edu, and jalmond@wesleyan.edu.
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