So I’m going to use this article just to tell you how much I HATE that goddamn “Twilight” series. First of all, to those out there that live and breathe that crap, let me inform you that Stephenie Meyer can’t write for shit! Her entire novel is a bunch of words tossed together to make little teenage girls disregard grammatical correctness and swoon over soft-core kinky vampire fantasies. Now, it’s okay for me to make these complaints because I’ve read the first paragraph of the first novel and wasted ten dollars to see “New Moon.” Let me inform you now, Taylor Lautner DOES NOT take off his shirt until half way through the movie. And by the end of the film you’ll just want to slap Kristen Stewart because she makes a huge fuss over two guys and still chooses that nasty, pale-ass looking creature over the tanned, muscular werewolf. She just…ugh.
Now I know for a fact I’m not the best writer in the world, that’s why I’m a columnist. But one of my dearest friends from home, Aki Fairweather, reviewed the “Twilight” novels at Viciouswriters.com. I suggest you go online and find her article because she has listed almost every grammatical mistake in the “Twilight” saga: her review is over seven pages. I’m very happy that she has taken time to analyze the work of this disgusting phenomenon, so I never have to waste my time reading this trash.
So why do I bring this up if I despise “Twilight”? Well, for one thing I want people to realize that if they think that’s how a vampire fantasy is supposed to go then I guess they’ve never seen “Nosferatu.” Second, I want people to start watching “True Blood.” This Golden Globe- and Emmy-Award-winning show is slated to begin its third season on HBO this summer. If you are familiar with the show and know all about it, I hope you are excited as I am. If you haven’t seen it, WTF? Get on that. You have two seasons to get through before you’re ready for this summer’s sure-to-be-kick-ass new episodes.
“True Blood” follows the life of a psychic girl, Sooky Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) who becomes involved with vampire, Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer). The show takes place in a small Louisiana town, in a world where vampires have recently been exposed as real creatures and are now able to walk amongst the living. A scientist invented a toxin known as ‘true blood,’ which is a synthetic blood substitute for the real human stuff. While this scientific advancement allows vampires to live without feasting on live victims, they still struggle not to accept the real thing when it is offered.
So you ridiculous “Twilight” fans want to know what a real relationship with a vampire might be like? Watch “True Blood” and forget about Stephenie Meyer’s horseshit. At least this show sticks to the true vampire conventions of mythical storytelling. In “True Blood” when a vampire bites you, he or she sucks you dry and leaves your body for the vultures. In “Twilight” the vampires seem to be extremely sympathetic toward their victims. In “True Blood,” vampires burst into flames when they step into the sun…not “glimmer like a thousand diamonds.” That especially pisses me off. That was just a shitty idea to avoid any violent truths about the harsh reality of a vampire’s real curse. And above all, vampires are sexual beings. That’s what “True Blood” really has: Sex, sex, and more sex! And not weird hardcore S&M bloody sex (at least not all the time). “True Blood” sex is passionate and a little bit painful, because when vampires are aroused, they have a tendency to bite things. Not take their lovers in their arms and then step into the sun to shine like fucking tin foil. The show not only cares about keeping to the traditional foundations of vampires, but also gives a modern twist to a classic horror archetype.
Beyond that, the characters are WAY better than in that preteen crap. My personal fav is Lafayette. He’s a big-mouthed, out-and-proud, sexy Louisiana gentleman who knows what a good time is when he sees one. His chill personality is matched only by his fiery temper, which is aroused when he is offended and feels the need to defend himself by any means. All I need to say is “AIDS burger.” Doesn’t that make you want to watch the show? I think it does.
Don’t forget to catch up if you haven’t started watching it. You can find it on Megavideo, which sometimes sucks because you can only watch like 72 minutes of it a day, and you know how picky HBO is with the viewing of their shows online. So if that’s all you have to work with, you’d better start now. Or check it out on the hub. I’m pretty sure someone on this campus loves this show as much as I do.
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