Nothing makes me quite as happy as watching a drunken alternateen, sailing atop a sea of bodies, get dropped to the ground, preferably on his/her head. Better yet, if said idiot has made his/her way to the front of the stage and dives upon the masses below, I can hardly contain my joy of watching the crowd part as he/she falls face first to the floor below.
For some reason, Wesleyan University students are overwhelmed by the concept of live music. Every exhibition of live music at this school, save the Javanese gamelan, throws into uncontrollable fits of teenage angst. This causes them to run into each other, bang up against one another, and then in an orgasmic eruption, send on of their numbers towards the heavens, carrying him/her above them like a crazed mob carrying a human sacrifice to the slaughter. I don’t understand the motivation for this behavior, as it is far more immature and idiotic than the usual stupidity found at a typical Wesleyan party.
I absolutely hate the drunken, half naked, baseball-cap-wearing meatheads, who have seen one too many Nirvana videos and feel that they have to personally recreate Seattle here in Middletown, It is more than annoying for the rest of the crowd to have to deal with being pushed around by unattractive, sweat-drenched morons, who, relying on momentum and other laws of physics, force smaller, unmoving objects out of their way.
This past weekend I attended two concerts: Grandma’s Closet at Beta, and Fall Ball at Eclectic. Both were overwhelmed by this imbecilic dance craze that has apparently swept the campus by storm. Grandma’ Closet, as far as I can tell, plays pretty typical college funk, nothing at all resembling a hardcore beat, but nonetheless, people motivated either by the gallons of beer they had downed or by visions of Eddie Vedder moshing through their mind, disregarding the music, the place, other people, and displaying their true foolishness, banged up against each other. And then the next night at Eclectic, Big Bad Bullocks, the Spinanes, and even the reggae band Cool Runnings were all met with typical college kids acting typically collegiate. I was embarrassed by the behavior of my schoolmates. Even after the lead singer of the Spinanes (as true punk rock girl) asked the crowd to cut it out because it was making her feel uncomfortable, the crowd proceeded to lift people up and bang into each other.
I don’t want to sound like Ian Mackaye, but there is absolutely no reason for people to behave the way they do. I have tried and tried to figure out a person’s motivation for slam dancing or body surfing at Wesleyan University. Why would one do it? Is it in an effort to personify the Generation X alternative bullshit that is supposed to represent us? Is it a homoerotic ritual practiced by half-naked frat boys who use dancing as an excuse to rub against their “brothers?” Or is it just naive youths who had never seen a show before they got to college and do not know how to properly behave> There is a time and a place for everything and I do not think that slam dancing and body surfing will ever be appropriate at Wesleyan.
I am a little embarrassed, but I have a punk rock tale of my own to relate. When I was a fifteen-year-old hardcore boy, too alternative for my own good, I did not know how to behave appropriately whenever I heard live music. At my sister’s Bat Mitzvah I started moshing when the band played Hava Negilah. I knocked over my great aunt Ruth and elbowed my cousin Stevie in the chest, sending him into convulsions. I jumped off the stage and landed on a bunch of my sister’s little thirteen-year-old friends, almost crushing them to death. My Bubby Irm scolded me for my behavior, likening me to a goose-stepping Nazi, and I realized the error of my ways. Since then I have never slam dances at a Bar Mitzvah. There is a time and a place for everything. Certain things don’t mix. Just like milk and orange juice, we should keep slam dancing and Wesleyan separate.
Leave a Reply