Editor’s note: If you can read this, you obviously didn’t do a thesis

A little secret about senior theses: only illiterate people write them. A few great thesis writers: Fantasia Barrino, Helen Keller, and Zach Davis. Thesis writers guard this well-kept secret by getting really drunk when theses are over and claiming, “I can’t read that semiphore, I’m drunk.”

– Brendan, Brian & Gelman

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