Thank you for publishing my Wespeak last Friday, but I have a problem with your ’fucked’ policy. I spent 42 zarking minutes figuring out how to ’fuck’ up my essay on Biochem exams, because I thought that was mandatory for publication in The Argus (given the Wespeaks I’ve seen over the past few years). It was fracking hard for me to put the terms ’fuck’ and Biochem together (although my students do it often, especially before exams), but I thought my reference to fond memories of Ohio State, followed by the statement, “Oh and we’re down but not out, Michigan, so you’re fucked come Saturday”, was quite inspired (which, BTW, they were, like royally; Go Buckeyes!!!). Imagine my friggin’ surprise when I saw you had deleted the ’fucked’ statement! I can only assume you did so because you hate ’fucking’, which is frickin’ sad*.
Or perhaps you hate freedom of speech?
If so, what else will you cleanse, farking Argus Editors?
If I chalk F, you see K, will you reach for an eraser?
Yes, how FUBAR are you, Argus Editors?
If I pen Fug, Norman Mailer is dead! Will you grab a knife?
Feck! If you see Kay, will you remember James Joyce, or will you silence my voice?
Zark, you might even cut off my F sharp.
What about my flippin’ report on Fucking, Austria? Will that ruin my writing career?
Larry Flynt yelled “fuck this court” and called the justices “nothing more than eight assholes and a token cunt,” and still was spared.
The 1st and 14th amendments protect public displays of fuck (not fucking, mind you), so why the fudge are you so freakin’ scared?
Yours in Saufen, Fressen und Ficken,
M
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