It is with great sadness that I inform the Wesleyan campus of the disappearance of one of our shiniest stars: last night, between the hours of 2:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m., Gabriel Fries, of the Class of 2009, was abducted from his room. I must have slept through the entire ordeal, because upon waking, all I found of him were his bloody sheets, and the first clue to set you on your way for the 1st Annual Great Wesleyan Caper. Please, I beg of you all, America’s best and brightest; help me find my missing roommate by taking place in the greatest scavenger hunt that Wesleyan University has ever seen. Use skills you never knew you had as you follow the clues to find the whereabouts of our missing comrade. I offer the winner(s) the prestigious title of The Master Detective(s) of the 1st Annual Great Wesleyan Caper, as well as a large sum of money. To find out more and to register, visit thegreatwesleyancaper.weebly.com.
Friends, Gabe was like a roommate to me, and I don’t know what I’ll do without him. I won’t be able to sleep at night until I hear his gentle snoring across the room again. Help me. Please, help me. Once again, that’s thegreatwesleyancaper.weebly.com. Thank you.
And if you see someone walking around campus that looks quite a bit like our missing friend, don’t be confused. It’s simply his twin brother Angus, filling his place until he’s found again. Wouldn’t want to let that $45K education go to waste?
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