I applaud the brave souls who wrote into this liberal ear-trumpet of a newspaper to refute Young’s withering-violetry. Though I haven’t read Mr. Young’s editorial, the title was enough to set me off because it was written in bold and included big words and ended with a question mark. Somebody told me about it, so I feel like I must respond in the strongest of terms.
Why does Wesleyan Invest in Weapons contractors? asks Young. I would ask Mr. Young and all those opposed to Weapons, Why Doesn’t Wesleyan Invest in More Weapons Contractors because, let me tell you, you can’t kill people with fluffy puppies and moonpies like Young would have us believe.
When my great-grandcousin, Cyril Gristle, became the subject of a secret government program called “Project 17, Codename : God Bless America Man” to develop a superweapon to protect us from the Red Menace among us, Wesleyan supported the government. Donating the expired Salisbry steaks from McConaughey Dining hall, which the government impregnated with gene-enhancing chemicals and fed to Cyril–transforming him into a Communist Killing, collateral damaging, war making, laser guided defender of the innocent butterflies and children threatened by the international communist conspiracy–Wesleyan Supported the Government.
Now Young would have us believe that the Iraqi people who have been “killed” by the defensive weaponry that our fair University’s investment helps build meant us no harm and would rather just be left alone. Firstly there is no proof that these people aren’t just sleeping…I mean, has Young actually checked their pulses. Secondly, there must be a reason that our army is in Iraq fighting or does Young think this country is being lead by a pack of stupid, hateful, lying, power drunk chimpanzees? Puuleeezzze…
In conclusion, if you disagree with me and the few true patriots on this campus, remember what has made this country great (hint: our military) and support the war and our president by keeping your mouth shut!
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