I came to my beloved Westech two weekends ago, and read with much interest the recent Argus tit-for-tat regarding the use of the Hewitt (or maybe Nicolson, or Westco, if those dorms are even still standing) balconies as makeshift pissers.
I can recall, from my own days living in Clark in a long ago year of 2002, rolling over in my bunked bed in the middle of the night, thinking, “If I get up to go to the bathroom I might fall out of bed like I did last weekend, and I still have a cut on my head from that.” So instead I rolled to my left, pushed the window down, and pissed right out of it. You want to talk about a problem, try pissing out a window while lying on your side, trying not to drip on your desk and laptop sitting beneath you. Never mind the potential golden showerees beneath. The next year I was graced with a balcony, and perhaps due to luck alone I had some downstairs hallmates who not only didn’t mind the occasional shower provided by my hallmates and I, but in fact seemed to enjoy it. Or that’s what I thought when they stuck their heads over the edge to catch a stream of my consciousness. Anyway, maybe they could install those devices we call “beer bongs” or “funnels” on every balcony—with a tube running all the way down the building. This would allow for three things: really awesome dorm parties, a la Neetzsch Faktor SBK2k.6, optional golden showers for those interested (Smitty circa 2k.4, HewX stylee), and additional bathrooms in the older dorms at Wes. I guess my point, if there is one, is twofold. First, upon my next visit to Wes I will sleep under the balconies of said dorms and hope for a trickle of rapture (as seen at pissmops.com). And second, urine college now–think about liberating yourself sexually and otherwise from the binary of toilets and urinals. Peeing exists on a continuum–maybe you should walk upstairs next time you feel that burning yearning down below and hang ten off the balcony. Pee you soon class of ’10.
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