Friday, July 11, 2025



Mr. PiBB died for us

On late Mocon nights you can still hear his voice whisper from cups now empty, cups that will never be filled quite the same way again. He was a humble man, a good man; he may no longer flow from the tap but he continues to bubble in our hearts. Mr. PiBB died for us, Anna Pachner ’09, and you dare defile our moment of silence?

Last Friday you opted to give yourself, rather than Brendan Larkin’s moving obituary, the last word on Mr. PiBB’s removal from MoCon. And for what? Your unsolicited opinions regarding rival beverages? You allege Coca Cola is the greatest of all dark colas because, well, everyone else seems to think so. Then you say something unintelligible. And then you encourage us to jump on a bandwagon. There’s a difference between jumping on the bandwagon and getting fucking hit by it, Anna Pachner ’09. Were you dazed by the impact when you wrote and submitted your Wespeak? When you neglected to capitalize the B’s in “PiBB” but used ALL CAPS elsewhere? When you claimed people just liked Mr. PiBB because it was retro when it is in fact the preferred drink of the blind (and they can’t even see how cool the label is!)?

An obituary is not an open letter, Anna Pachner ’09; please take your opinions and your electrolytes elsewhere.

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