Here’s why: Fucking Comic Sans MS. Please, no more. It’s horrible. It’s the fun font! It’s the font that says family. This font is terrible and you know it. Just look at this shit. It’s so quirky! That shit is all over the RIDE too. My friend Matt made a good point: If the Manhattan Transit Authority had any Comic Sans on it at all, I’d expect it to break down all over the place and let in terrorism like it does rats now. Put that crap font in caps, red on white, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for a hellish thrift store experience for all seniors ’07 browsing for graphic tees while their friends move a couch.
New paragraph: the back of the shirt. It’s a white hippie girl snorting a flower or something, and a black hippie guy sitting at her side. And they’re both inside a bubble that’s about to get burst by a huge red pushpin. Oh no! Lets just randomly type shit into MS Word Clipart, okay? My friend Victor suggested “grape” and this graphic turned up. Look at it; it’s three faceless people of indeterminate race, playing a game of telephone that terminates in the ear of a white business-y guy. Weird. Yeah, Microsoft is fucking bonkers. My point? Don’t use Microsoft Word to design a t-Shirt or you’ll get your shit twisted by Bill Gates’s remarkably sucky view of the world. I don’t mean any ill will towards interracial couples who share a fondness for wearing crazy crap and smelling stuff, I’m just saying I bet even a real hippie wouldn’t wear that SENIORS ’06 t-shirt, and he needs those clothes to live.
Way back in 2003 there was a pretty neat senior t-shirt. It said “I Heart Middletown” (Jesus, Microsoft, no heart icon?!?) and it had all these nice drawings of some cool places around town, including a picture of the local liquor store. Elegant, community-minded, and subversive, the shirt was a delight to don and behold. Yeah nostalgia!
But who am I to complain? I didn’t submit a design to the t-shirt contest, so how dare I be so incensed by the design? Why is it so important that I be writing any of this right now, when I have a major paper due in a matter of hours? I’ll tell you why. Because I’m not just here to rant, I’m here to apologize. I am truly sorry that Victor and I drew an editorial cartoon last February on the topic of lethal injection that was clearly the influence for the design of the Seniors T-shirt. I’m not saying anyone was a plagiarist, I’m just saying if you want to give us free senior passes for designing the T-shirt, we’ll be on our way.
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