I had to bite off a snake head to get a senior house

As a senior who lives in a University-owned house on Home Ave, I live the life of a king. I have my own bathroom. I have control of my own thermostat. My bedroom is a palace, a converted dining room with a royally high ceiling. As the resident of a senior house, I truly hold the holy grail of Wesleyan housing. So how did I do it? Let me tell you.

I had to bite off the head of a snake in order to get this house.

Now hold on. Listen to me for a minute. I know that sounds awful, but it wasn’t as bad as you think. First of all, the snake was not alive. I would never bite off the head of a living snake. That would be both gross and inhumane. The snake had been killed some time prior to the time when I bit off its head. It was not a freshly dead snake.

Secondly, someone had already tried to bite off the head of this particular snake before me. As a result, it was sort of loose and not that hard to bite off when it was my turn. Apparently the student just before me gave it one good chomp (or more, I guess I have no way of knowing how many times they actually bit) and then pussed out; if he or she had kept it up then the head would’ve probably come off pretty soon I think.

Third: it was NOT a poisonous snake. I am told that Reslife has never, and will never, use poisonous snakes for Biting in the housing lottery.

Fourth, and this is sort of particular, but they let you do it in the dark. I guess a lot of people said they didn’t like looking down at a cross-section of the snake whose head they’d just bitten off, so that’s why they do that probably.

Finally, they make swallowing the snake’s head an optional thing, probably because only real sickos will want to do that. And sickos should not get good housing. Obviously!

So yeah, basically, I’m not sure if it’s different for anyone else, but that’s what I had to do to get a house. Bite off the already-loosened head of a dead, non-poisonous snake, in the dark, and I got to spit it out afterwards. Not a huge deal, if you think about what happens in third-world countries and shit. Good luck with housing!