For this week’s special higher-ed issue, the Ampersand contacted respected opinion-giver John Leo to get his thoughts on some of the fine New England schools besides Wesleyan. Leo was “only too happy” to comply, obviously excited about the chance to “excoriate a few more dens of liberal sin.”
Yale: Yale’s respectable Ivy-League façade is merely a front for the Future Siblinghood Vanguard, a Communist plot hatched in the 1930’s. The stated goal of the FSV, according to a phone message my other daughter left at 3 a.m. last Saturday, is to make America’s youth into Communists by exposing them to “sex-rays.”
Middlebury: According to my wife’s cousin’s son, Middlebury girls often neglect to shave their armpits. While he claims that they do it to protect against the bitter Vermont cold, I have it on good authority that it’s actually a plan to make our young men into homosexuals by seeming as sexually unappealing as possible. When our homo-sons grow up, women will be able to defeat them in most U.S. Senate races.
Smith: Goes without saying, but see William F. Buckley’s recent National Review article, “Betrayal in the Bush.”
M.I.T.: Fattening up our children with high-carb snack foods and soda pop, the better to cook and eat them. Or maybe those nerds are just fatties. Fatties are bad for America.
Dartmouth: A hobo told me that aliens send brain-altering electro-waves from a giant saucer atop Dartmouth’s Kilcuddy Student Union. I recommend that all America-loving patriots wear tin-foil hats from this day forward, just to show those damn hippie aliens who’s boss.
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