Some people don’t do horror movies.
And I don’t do those people.
No, scratch that: it’s insensitive.
I’ll start again.
Horror is not for everyone, I guess (though I can’t understand…).
It is for certain…types.
The freakz. The pervz. The weirdoz.
Whatever.
I remember –
There’s a magazine for horror fans called Fangoria.
And they have conventions in Los Angeles.
Called, I think, Fangofest.
I remember going once in high school.
The Horror festival is where the cool kids go.
Unlike a Sci-Fi/Fantasy Convention.
Or a Comic Con.
Or a Furry Convention.
No, that’s not true. The people at a horror convention are pretty much the same.
Except they wear plastic fangs instead of Spock ears
And they don’t have sex while wearing animal costumes.
I went once.
I wore no fangs.
I bought some posters and shit.
And some videos.
I like the Italian ones from the 1970s.
They’re called giallo.
Which means yellow.
I wrote a paper on them for a class I took here.
Called Horror and Sci-Fi.
I was interested in the Horror part.
Because I like horror.
Because I wanted to study horror.
And that doesn’t make me a perv. Or a weirdo.
Other things do.
But we won’t get into those.
Some people don’t do horror movies.
And I don’t do those people.
All right, that’s a lie.
It’s okay to not like horror movies.
In fact, you may be better off in the long run.
But, if you’re going to watch one horror movie this weekend AND you wish to be treated gently, then you should go see “Shaun of the Dead,” in the film series. It’s a new English zombie picture. But it’s not, really. In fact, it’s something else. I would actually compare it not so much with “28 Days Later,” but with “The Office.” You see, it’s more of a romantic comedy. Only with zombies in it. The premise is: guy has girl, guy loses girl, zombies attack, guy tries to get girl back. It is very funny. It is not too scary or gory. It made me laugh many times. Of interest is the scene where Shaun and his friends try to evade the zombies by imitating zombies. They come off looking more like physically challenged people. Laughter ensues.
“Shaun of the Dead,” Friday and Saturday at 7:30 and 10pm, CFA Cinema, $4.
Simultaneously and for free in the Science Center:
Friday: Robert Altman’s “The Long Goodbye.” Think that Humphrey Bogart was the only Philip Marlowe? Then you haven’t seen Elliot Gould star as Raymond Chandler’s private dick, have you?
Saturday: John Huston’s “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.” If you’re still in need of a Bogart fix. Minus the badges, obviously.
Next Wednesday in the Cinema:
Fans of Hong Kong action in the vein of classic John Woo should check out “Infernal Affairs,” starring Andy Lau (“House of Flying Daggers”) and Tony Leung (“Hero,” “In The Mood For Love”). Why? Well, Martin Scorsese is remaking it with Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg, Jack Nicholson and Leonardo DiCaprio. See the original.
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