You look around. You are surrounded by a plethora of beautiful, sexually liberated female college students, all breathing heavily and sweating profusely. By the end of this “session,” you will all be indescribably sore and covered in bodily fluids. And, most importantly, you are the only man around. So, where are you? The after-party of the WNBA championship team? “Ladies Night” at Midge’s Mansion? My wet dream? Not quite. You are on the brand new cardio-vascular machines in the Freeman Athletic Center. And if you have the unfortunate luck of being Domonic Rek ’08, you are no longer a man, swaggering with testosteronial confidence. You are a woman, and a damn ugly one at that.
Domonic Rek (that’s an anagram for “No More Cock”– it took me a really long time to come up with that so please laugh) spent two weeks “sculpting his calves and glutes” in the Freeman Athletic Center. Yet by the time he (now she) was finished with fourteen days of enduring workouts, the only thing he had sculpted was a nice pair of breasts. It seems that the suffocating concentration of estrogen and propagation of Maroon 5 songs on the cardio-vascular side of the room, led Rek to become a woman. Observed Professor of Anatomy James Fenderlick, “it’s like when girls live together and eventually get their periods at the same time. Except this was a guy, and his penis shrunk up into his stomach and now he has a great set of gazungas.”
Rek first started to notice his feminine metamorphosis when, after one of his male friends said he had a “six pack of jelly donuts,” Rek proceeded to stay in that night, eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and watching Gilmore Girls on DVD. Later that week, he called one of his friends from high school “just to talk.” The next day, Rek had fully transmogrified into a woman, complete with boobies and a vaginny. Lamented Rek, “I went there expecting to carve my calves on the elliptical. Now all I’ve done is quintupled my estrogen count. By the way, do I look fat in these jeans?”
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