10:30 a.m. It all feels like a dream. A dream that’s too haunting to be reality. But as I look in the mirror and rub my eyes, I notice that my hair is parted on the opposite side. The wrong side. I feel hung over, like I got punched in the face by a building. But I haven’t touched the drink since last weekend. What…wait…this did happen, didn’t it? There were others there. They can vouch for me. Right? There were others. Weren’t there? Weren’t there? I remember how it all began…
FLASHBACK: 7:30 p.m. The night before. Dan and I were getting pasta at the Campus Center. It was taking way too long to make that shit and we were nervous that we would be late to “The Man Without A Past,” a movie for which we both harbor strong affection. Our friends had already folded under pressure. Kaminstein ordered his pasta, was late for class, and had to leave before they had even started making it. Rau showed up and was too cowardly to even order. But maybe he was the smart one. I’m sure he finished his meal, wherever he went, before our pasta was even ready. But we (the Roberts) are hungry men. Lusty men. We needed that penne, dangit. And we were gonna eat it! Even if hurriedly, we were gonna do it! And then walk over to the Cinema (also hurriedly. Briskly, even). So we did just that. We were truly excited to see this movie on the big screen. But then Dan said something that changed EVERYTHING. He said, “Wait! Robert! Do you remember what we talked about last night?” You see, last night Dan had mentioned a dame. Named Julia Silbergeld. He had talked about going on a little trip…
FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK: I’m in a dark room. I just hear Dan’s voice. “We’ve been talking about this for a while. And I know we both want to go see ‘I Heart Huckabees.’ And it’s only playing in New York and Los Angeles. Let’s go. Tonight. Impulsively. To New York. For a couple hours. Just to see a movie. It’ll be epic.” I reply, “Yes, let’s.” He thinks for a moment, then says, “No, I can’t, actually. But how ’bout tomorrow?” Me: “Yes.” Dan: “I’ll tell Julia that the plans have changed.”
BACK TO THE FIRST FLASHBACK: So there we are waiting for pasta, and Dan remembers that we planned on going to New York. He seems hesitant. He has some work to do. We’ll have to go to the 11:10 pm show, which will get us back to campus around 4 a.m. He doesn’t think Julia will want to drive back to Wes that late at night. He wants to read in the car. He wants a fourth person to round shit out. He is wavering. It doesn’t look like this is going to happen. We show up at the Cinema, to check out the crowd for “The Man Without A Past.” It’s not as great as Dan had expected. There’s Julia! “Let’s go,” she says. “We need a fourth,” says Dan. “I will be your fourth,” says Jeremy Marks, who emerges from the shadows, with a little blood on his collar. “What’s that?” I ask, but he cuts me off. “No questions. Just go.” We run to Julia’s Volvo. I have my video camera. I start filming. The plan is to make a documentary of our trip. But I’m doomed to fail: I only have a couple minutes of battery power. This is the hand of Fate. As we wait in the Film House parking lot, Dan pees into the woods with pulled down pants, exposing his blinding ivory buttocks. I run over and punch him in the butt. Bouf! This is the only part of our journey captured on film. All in the car, we are about to leave. We put our hands in the center and say “I Heart NY.” Vroooom! Vrrrooooooommmmm!
A LITTLE LATER: Malkmus is blaring from the Volvo stereo. We make phone calls. Wes Alum Jared Noble says he will meet us at the theater. Dan bets he will not. We shall see.
ELLIPSIS: We’re walking down Broadway. Seeing the sights. Smelling the smells. This is the city. It never sleeps. It has a pulse. It’s so close to Wesleyan. If we were in Middletown, maybe we’d be working, or going to the bars, or stressing. But this! This is a stress-free experience. This place solves all of life’s problems. And there’s the theater. We’re buying our tickets, and in strolls Jared. He came. Dan was wrong. This is exciting. And now we are going to see this movie for which expectation is very high. David O. Russell, director of “Three Kings,” and “Flirting With Disaster,” has not made a movie since the former. And the cast is awesome: Jason Schwartzman, Mark Wahlberg, Jude Law, Dustin Hoffman, Lily Tomlin, Naomi Watts, Isabelle Huppert. Even Tippi Hedren and Talia Shire and Shania Twain are in it. Crazy. We are so pumped. (Begin string of awkwardly dangled prepositions…now!) This is what we came for! This is what we drove for! This is what Dan sacrificed a night of schoolwork for! This is what Julia sacrificed her car’s gas for! This is what Jeremy sacrificed “The Man Without A Past” for! This is CINEMA! This is what I sacrifice a carefree life for! Because film eats at me! It troubles me! It excites me! The movie is about to begin. And the lights go down.
ELLIPSIS: The lights come up. And we sit. Asses in seats. The credits have finished rolling. But we do not move. Because we do not want to. You want me to tell you how great the movie was, right? That’s not going to happen. You need to take your own trip and find out for yourself. And you can “take your trip and find out for yourself” without driving to see “I Heart Huckabees.” You can take the train and go to the Metropolitan Museum. Or take the Arts Bus to go wander around Central Park with headphones on. Be impulsive. New York is such a resource for us. Just as I value what the film series provides for this campus, I love what New York provides for us. It cannot really be named. It is a feeling, a state of being. Impulsive fun. This is what college is really about.
THE PRESENT: I sit here, putting the finishing touches on this article for Friday’s Argus. I have to go to Film Noir class soon. I’ve left out key bits of the story: Dan calling John Cameron Mitchell; Julia narrowly avoiding killing a deer on the ride home; the part where we were eating at City Diner after parting ways with Jared, and he comes up to the window completely naked with a cup, pretending to be begging for money. Think that didn’t happen? Think the whole thing didn’t happen? Anything can happen… in the big city. FADEOUT.
This weekend in the film series: Friday and Saturday at 7:30 and 10 p.m. in the CFA cinema, $4: “Touching The Void,” is about mountain climbing. And is gripping, so I hear. Friday 7:30 and 10 p.m. for free in the science center: “The Hudsucker Proxy,” is about how amazing the Coen brothers are. If you like “Lebowski” and haven’t seen this, you are a numbskull. Saturday at 7:30 and 10 p.m. for free in the science center: “To Be Or Not To Be,” is about an hour and a half. And is directed by comic genius Ernst Lubitsch. And stars Jack Benny. Next Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the CFA cinema, $4: “Stop Making Sense,” This Must Be The Place (Naïve Melody). Respect. Post-show dance party at Film House.
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