Last Tuesday I picked up the Argus and read about the super important things my fellow Wesleyan students are doing with their college careers: receiving science grants from Pitzer, winning Watson Fellowship awards, writing phenomenal newspaper articles about road-tripping in the south, starring as key players on sports teams and generally being unbelievably productive, well-tuned machines that achieve great things in great ways. After putting down the paper, I thought about what I, myself, am achieving here at Wesleyan. Sadly, I realized I do absolutely nothing super important. I work, I walk my wiener doggy, I “do lunch” with friends, I bullshit with people at the Campus Center and on the rare occasion when I am feeling racy I go out and bullshit with people at parties. And that’s what I do.
Now, what I find most disheartening about my Current Situation is that in high school, I was awesome. Really, I was a VIP. Head Captain of this and that. Student Council that and this. Awardee extraordinaire. But since I’ve been at Wesleyan, something devastating has happened to me; I’ve become a deflated, underachieving, low self-esteemer who gets excited about # 45 (cranberry jubilee mix) at Weshop and the occasional look-over from any moderately attractive boy, girl, TA or member of the administrative or janitorial staff.
When I complain to my friends about my Current Situation, they try to reassure me. “Oh, Leslie, no one hits on you because you are intimidating,” or, “people think you are too cool and don’t want to make fools of themselves, so they don’t talk to you.” That’s nice, but it’s bullshit. I’m not too cool and not intimidating and if, for some reason you think I am, don’t be fooled. I’m socially awkward and maybe my awkwardness comes off as super-hipness, but I’m just being awkward, not hip. (Don’t let the plastic cat-eye glasses mislead you.)
Now, the only thought that gives me hope about my Current Situation is that I know I can’t be alone. Surely there must be other Wes students out there who were Overachiever-Super-Important-People in high school who are now mere deflated college bullshitters. (Being super important can really tire a person out, after all.) So, if you have fallen off the super-important person bandwagon and have no plans to get back on any time soon or want to at least form some kind of once-awesome-now-loser/underachiever support group, please, please find comfort in knowing that you are not alone. I’m learning to accept my newfound nerdom/underachieverness. In fact, I find it is what I excel in these days.
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