We have recently become concerned about the level of recycling at Wesleyan, or lack thereof. While Wesleyan may be the 16th school on a scale of “Reefer Madness”, we’re also the Number One Activist Campus (!), which means we have concerned and passionate students. It’s surprising that our Supreme Campus of Activism is so indifferent to recycling, which is way up there on the list of Super Duper Things You Can Do For The Common Good. But, the tide is turning, and you better pay attention so you’re up with the new hip thing that everyone’s doing (saving the environment, stupid!).
GUYS! Recycling is easy! Seriously! We know, because it’s our job, because we’re Recycling Coordinators! It’s a four-step program:
1. First, you have to admit that you have a recycling problem.
2. OK, seriously now. Everyone should have a blue recycling bin in his/her room with a sticker that tells you what can get recycled.
3. Empty your bin when it gets full. Duh. That goes into the containers in each hall (typically, one for bottles and cans, and one for mixed paper).
4. Unfortunately, because of the limitations of the custodial staff contract and fire codes, the containers in the halls have to be emptied by students (except in the Butts and Clark). As we “reinvigorate” each dorm’s recycling program, we’ll help you figure out how to empty these hall bins. We recommend having a sign-up sheet, or just having everyone contribute when you see that one of the bins is full. Those bins get emptied into the big dumpster-thingies outside, which get emptied every Wednesday by an outside company.
And that’s it! Simple, right?
Next item on the agenda: what goes into the bins, you may ask? TOO MUCH JUNK! Yeah, that’s right, we know, because as we sift through piles of your so-called “recycling,” we find your pizza crusts and candy wrappers. THAT IS NOT RECYCLABLE. Are we clear? And this is a big deal, because if there is 5% “contamination” (aka YOUR JUNK) in the recycling bins, nothing gets recycled. It’s all considered trash. That’s a major bummer, dude.
Now, we understand your honest mistakes. Some normal Joe Shmoe may think he’s helping the environment by throwing his cardboard and cereal boxes into the mixed paper bin, but NO! He’s actually an environmental DESTROYER!!! Watch out for Joe Shmoe! Cardboard and paperboard get recycled in different places…like the Campus Center loading dock and Weshop. Joe Shmoe also goes along (actually by Joe Shmoe, we mean Nora, because she’s ignorant too), thinking he (she) can throw his (her) bottles into the bottle bin as is. But he’s wrong (so is she)! You have to take off the plastic caps and throw them away!!! Further, Joe S. ALSO tries to throw away his batteries…I mean, what is he thinking? Instead, J. S. can bring his batteries to the Science Center, where the science departments can USE them. Don’t ask us what kind of deranged experiments our scientists are doing with battery acid. We don’t want to know.
On a final note, just remember, you’re either with us, or you’re with the environmental DESTROYERS! Do your part. Because it’s a Wesfact: 100 percent of super-cool students at Wesleyan recycle. So if you don’t recycle, that makes you a loser. Don’t try to hang out with us, because we’ll exclude you.
If you have any questions or would like to help make your dorm a recycling heaven of super-coolness, contact us at recycling@wesleyan.edu. Or visit our webpage, at www.wesleyan.edu/recycling.
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