For many students, junior year presents an opportunity to switch up the rhythm of the standard school year by spending a semester studying abroad. However, due to the coronavirus pandemic, many students have decided not to study abroad in the fall, citing health and safety concerns, worries about future restrictions on travel, and the desire to be on campus in the fall now that the spring semester has been cut short.
Junior Kalli Jackson planned to study abroad in Amsterdam through a program with the Council for International Educational Exchange (CIEE) but rescinded her application about three weeks into Wesleyan’s transition to online learning because of growing concerns about the global impact of COVID-19, the disease caused by the novel coronavirus.
“My internship had been cancelled, and I was seeing this death rate go up more and more everyday, and I realized this was a much bigger issue than I thought and would definitely not be resolved by August when I wanted to go,” Jackson said. “I also figured that even if the U.S. got it under control by the summer, I definitely didn’t want to be one of the first people on a plane to another country.”
Anna Marti ’22, who was planning on studying at Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland, said she was also worried about being in a different country in the fall, given the likelihood that COVID-19 will still be an issue at that time.
“I decided to defer because everything is super uncertain right now, and I didn’t want to [take the] chance of being so far from my family [and] home if something were to happen—resurgence, I got sick, they got sick, etc.,” Marti explained.
Marti added that she will likely not plan to study abroad in the spring because of the on-campus activities, such as her dance group Precision Ensemble’s show and the Power of Language Conference that she missed out on this semester.
“I love being at Wesleyan and the life I have built there,” Marti said. “Our abrupt time away has made me realize that I do not want to spend any more time away from it. I can try to travel another time in my life, but this is the only time I [have] to be at Wes and I want to take advantage of and be present for all of it.”
Jackson and Marti are only two of the many students that made the difficult decision to defer their study abroad plans for the fall and for the future. According to Associate Director of Study Abroad Emily Gorlewski, of the approximately 215 students who were initially slated to study abroad this fall, only 90 have stood by their original plans.
Gorlewski said that the Office of Study Abroad is keeping a close eye on the coronavirus situation, both at home and abroad.
“We are still in a wait-and-see mode about fall and spring, but monitoring things very closely,” Gorlewski wrote in an email to The Argus. “It may be that we modify some programming for fall; some program providers have already done this. For spring, we just have no way to know yet, but are still planning as though everything will proceed as usual. In any case, intercultural learning is still of utmost importance to a liberal arts education, even if study abroad is not happening. We are committed to fostering this learning in any way we can.”
Gorlewski also noted that many students cancelled abroad plans due to concerns about not being able to participate in the housing process if their program were cancelled last minute. Julian DeMann ’22, who hoped to study abroad in Capetown, South Africa, through CIEE, was one of these students.
“The short answer is that I deferred because of the virus,” DeMann said. “The long answer is that I deferred because of the opportunity cost of studying abroad. Wesleyan, understandably so, did not let SA [study abroad] students register for Fall 2020 housing. Considering the very high probability that my program, which is set to begin July 1st, will be canceled, I thought it would be more prudent to defer for a shot at grade-appropriate housing.”
As the housing selection process begins, though, it has become apparent that a shot at grade-appropriate housing is no longer a guarantee for juniors, as it has been in past years. With approximately 125 extra juniors now vying spots in junior village, the Office of Residential Life (ResLife) said that they foresee some necessary adjustments to usual housing arrangements.
“The impact of the additional juniors coming back for the Fall semester will likely mean that less rising-sophomores are able to select single occupancy rooms, and depending on the incoming class size, there may be additional triples utilized for the incoming freshman class,” Assistant Director of Residential Life Kieran Duffy wrote in an email to The Argus.
ResLife provided more specific information on the housing shortage in an email sent on Thursday, April 23, to the rising juniors who are participating in the housing lottery.
“The shortages mentioned mean there are that 25 more junior groups of four than there are Low Rise apartments, and 34 more groups of two than there are High Rise apartments,” the email read. “In the past, four person groups could split to take High Rise apartments, but this will not be possible this year, due to the larger number of juniors that will be on campus this fall.”
Students who missed the cutoff for a Low Rise or a High Rise based on their randomly assigned housing selection number have been asked to reconfigure into groups of 5 or 6, in order to be assigned to a Fauver Apartment or a woodframe house. Once these are filled, excess juniors will have to live in program houses or residence halls.
Duffy explained that having an excess of students is not an entirely new problem for the ResLife office.
“We have had larger class sizes in the past come in that have informed decision making around available housing stock, tripling rooms, prioritizing renovation/construction to bring buildings back online as needed,” Duffy wrote.
As always, Wesleyan will guarantee on-campus housing for all students, which Michael Roth confirmed at the WSA meeting on April 19. Still, the questions of whether or not returning to campus in the fall will be safe and whether the 90 students still hoping to go abroad will be able to travel remain unknown.
In the wake of the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, The Argus will feature personal essays on how life has change in strange, scary, or surprising ways. If you have a hot take, a serious reflection, a funny anecdote, or anything in between, please email elsmith@wesleyan.edu.
The Universal Pass/Fail and Where I Stand
I want to make it very clear that I am not telling people that universal pass/fail (UPF) is the appropriate choice, but I would like to share my personal opinions and stance on it because, for the longest time, I had felt conflicted and, in a way, continue to remain so regarding the potential implementation of this UPF grading system.
Hesitancy initially turned me off from the concept of a universal pass/fail as I became fearful of the implications. Not only did it seemingly erase all the hard work that I had put towards improving my grades, but would graduate or medical schools take such grades? Would a letterless grading system put me at a disadvantage when competing with my peers at other institutions?
Who am I: Imposter’s Syndrome
I am speaking first and foremost as Elizabeth. While I am a first-generation, low-income (FGLI) student of color, I do not and cannot speak for all FGLI students, students of color, or for any other group as I am only a single person, a single voice, with a singular perspective as a first year.
When it comes to investing in education, it is predominantly placed on the back burner. The reason is simple: Most students do not finish college. This is the type of community I grew up, where graduating high school is already a major life achievement. By finishing high school, many are already in a better position than their immigrant parents who never even had the opportunity of an American education.
Surprisingly, news of my acceptance to an elite institution like Wesleyan elicited varied and nuanced responses that I had not anticipated. Most were supportive, but lingering skepticism also remained in those who questioned the value of college, with some even discouraging me from applying to colleges, especially to ones like Wesleyan.
At first glance, it may be difficult to understand this pessimism, but these individuals who challenged my decision foresaw the impact of being thrust into a world in which I was not prepared for.
Yet for me, the decision to attend college was never about furthering my job prospective, nor the prestige, but rather the opportunity to escape a toxic environment and find a home that would accept and challenge me to think in ways I never considered.
I knew coming in, especially to a school like Wesleyan, that I would struggle tremendously. But I did not realize the full extent of that struggle, which left me feeling a myriad of emotions challenging me both physically, mentally, and emotionally.
The truth is, I have been struggling to succeed academically here since day one. For most, college is a difficult transition in a multitude of ways. Despite knowing this, I could not help but feel stupid, incompetent, and utterly inadequate.
Feelings of shame and guilt began to consume me. Here I was at a school like Wesleyan, yet not succeeding like the people around me seemed to be. I felt that I had no one to blame but myself for my own shortcomings. I was completely blowing it and had taken the seat of someone much more qualified, that I didn’t have anything to contribute to this campus. I began to believe that someone such as myself did not belong at a school like Wesleyan.
The Weight of Privilege and How I Hold It
However, being at Wes is such a privilege that I hold gratefully in my heart every day. Opening my acceptance letter from Wes was a moment that I will never forget as fear dissipated like a shooting star, replaced by feelings of excitement and disbelief. I never believed that I could afford college, let alone have the privilege of choosing a college like Wesleyan!
At the same time, I did not realize how much I had to sacrifice coming to such a school. At first, they were tangible things, like socializing and extracurriculars, but eventually, it became more personal as I found myself suppressing parts of my past and history. Not only did I share less about my family, but I began speaking to them less. The more time I spent at Wes, the less I began to have in common with my family. I became self-conscious of the way I spoke and the hobbies I enjoyed. I changed some of my values to please the people around me. It often feels like this school was not built for people like me, from the current response of the administration to concerns students have about not implementing UPF.
Most of my professors are STEM-based and they to me feel less forgiving when it comes to grades, homework, and assignments. They are amazing and super supportive, but extra credit isn’t really a thing and extensions are hard to come by when there is only one answer and other students don’t want to wait on you. This is just the reality of it – it doesn’t match up to the ideal world that is often advertised to FGLI students like myself. And perceptions and norms of classes carry a lot of weight—like how you are expected to do well in classes that you are passionate about, while seemingly balancing hundreds of other extracurriculars. For example, to some of my professors it seems like a “Pass” might as well be a D-, when someone may have done just as much work as getting a B- to earn that pass grade.
Inequities That Persist In Education
In a time like this, we need to stick together more than ever and support each other, but how can you do that if you first aren’t taking care of your needs?
This pandemic has given me a lot of time to reflect on the inequities that have always been present in society, but can no longer be “swept under the rug.” A few issues that have come to my mind recently are:
What is the value of a life?
How precious is time in a world that is now so unpredictable, where a life can change and be lost in an instant? This pandemic continues to unravel the normalities that we once took for granted.
Our everyday freedom and security have become more dependent on the government than ever. Both are irreplaceable to wellbeing, yet cannot exist independently of one another.
Speaking sincerely as a student who has lost her mind because of grades, I want us to reevaluate our opinions about how much grades matter. I know there has been a call for action to change grading policies at other institutions, but how can we expect others to change when we are unwilling to accept change ourselves? Everything in our world is in a constant state of flux, of change, right now. Some of these feel almost disheartening. And because of all of this, I’ve realized the true fragility of life itself.
Why are we bickering with our families over a Wi-fi connection, rather than using this moment to sit, talk, and communicate about the topics that you never had time to address because of the fast-paced culture within America? Discussions about fears, hopes, and plans for the future are vital, but far too often deferred. Now is the time to question what really matters right now. I know people who work in healthcare and essential services, who I cannot help, but worry and hope for them every day. I believe that it’s a selfish thing to have to worry about something as trivial as grades when many others have had that luxury stripped away from them. We need to focus less on the tangible and more on the connections we have with others, because we never know when we may lose them.
My Worries For the Future
In an environment that is very collaborative, we often forget that Wes is truly a school with high standards and hard academics. Whether you are FGLI or someone who is paying full tuition, you have all worked hard to be here and continue to do so. Not everyone has the opportunity to make their GPA look good especially during a time like this when much more than wealth matters. We are all human, but society does not put us all on equal standing. Honestly, I have struggled a lot during my time at Wes. Throughout this year, I have never felt like I was able to just fully learn, it was just driven by grades which made me miserable. I would enjoy the content, but the exams would utterly gut and destroy me. I want to go to medical or graduate school one day, but sometimes I worry I have so many barriers to overcome that I won’t be able to achieve my dreams. As much as the American Dream is a goal for many of us, reality often gets in the way. And this pandemic has made everything worse.
What I Believe Our Moral Imperative Should Be
That brings me to the idea of why mandatory pass/fail is the equitable choice for Wes.
The uncertainty is definitely scary. But at this point in time, inequality has become too much for Wes to morally allow the status quo. It is time for radical change. All students are going through difficulties and changes right now, so UPF would impact more than just FGLI students; academic struggles do not discriminate and can impact anyone. To me, choosing is a privilege and the term is very loaded. Having the choice and option to attend Wesleyan as a school to me feels like a privilege in itself, and reminds me that success is subjective. Even with all my struggles at Wes, I am perceived as wildly more successful than people I went to high school with, yet significantly less successful than some of my peers or many Wes graduates. Success depends on background, on context, and on setting. And the setting students are learning in now is significantly different than what it was for any other semester.
Why I Support the UPF
With UPF, at first, I was neutral and unsure because I personally see both the benefits and risks, until speaking with other students from other institutions. Talking with FGLI students and other students from peer institutions showed me that other schools are recognizing the necessity of a UPF system as the most equitable option. The matter of fact is that all students want to succeed, especially Wesleyan students. You all are most definitely the smartest and kindest bunch of people I have ever come to known. I am tremendously grateful for such a community. But the circumstances of everyone’s situations have changed, and because of this, we need to change our thinking and our system to help the most vulnerable: not necessarily FGLI, but those that can and have been impacted by COVID-19.
I recognize that other institutions are not and will never be Wesleyan; however, that same drive to learn and to succeed can be found across liberal arts colleges and peer institutions alike. In fact, many of those schools are recognizing that a UPF system does not detract from students’ motivation, but instead levels the playing field back to what it may have been when learning was as normal. In all honesty, at a place like Wes professors will also work to help in any way they can and get students the support they need to pass regardless of the grading system.
Although some FGLI students view grades as an empowering equalizer, many now do not have the same resources to access that success. This inequity is not unique to FGLI students, but any individual because no one is immune to the uprooting elicited by COVID-19. People are losing their jobs, dying, at risk of eviction, along with many other inhumane sufferings.
For some grades may be the one factor that a student has control over, but it is important to note what a privilege this is to be able to have such worries this time of crisis.
Diving in the Deep End: Uncertainties
I fully understand the impact that this UPF system will have on the entire student body and the last thing I want to do is take away this liberty to choose. The truth is, there is no guarantee of how this will play out. I’m not asking people to jeopardize their future. All the concerns people have against UPF are valid! However, we have to look outside our own lives to the bigger picture.
This is an unprecedented term. People are facing many different struggles and adjusting to a reality we never thought we would see. And we all have different needs. A UPF system is the best way to accommodate those needs and allow students to focus on what is most important, which for many may not be grades, but instead surviving and staying safe and healthy. Some people are in a less privileged position than others, and those differences are starker now more than ever. The term privilege has a very negative connotation when in reality, it is simply a marker of accessibility. It’s all on a spectrum. It simply boils down to this—some people have more privilege than others, and that is simply reality. Everyone holds some degree of privilege. In actuality, privilege is very fluid and ever-changing: You are born with a certain amount, but you can also gain or lose some.
I also think we are all missing the point of how this will not extend beyond one semester. Rather, this is an unprecedented semester! In an ideal world, no one would be faulted for choosing a pass over a grade, but the reality is that many on track for an A would not choose a pass. With the UPF, no one can fault a student for their decision. GPA serves as a way to measure success, yet in reality, they seem to reproduce oppression as it encourages students to meet the standards of what is expected for the majority. What is best for the majority is not always equitable. Just as my struggles cannot force others to bend to my will, the privilege others hold should not be the sole determining factor in a decision as impactful as UPF.
Thanking Remarks
Thank you everyone who has read this, thank you to the people who have supported me. Thank you for doing your best during a time like this, whether it’s in your classes or taking care of your family or yourself, thank you. We’ve all had to make sacrifices and big changes and we all deserve to be recognized for our achievements. I truly believe that all students have the capacity to thrive and do amazing things, but this is an extenuating circumstance!
All of you are so tremendously strong. We are all going through something difficult at the moment, so don’t discredit your struggles (no matter how small they may seem), but also please do not discourage others due to your frustrations. Wesleyan is lucky to have you!
Call to Action
This pandemic has invoked many questions, but one question I find myself coming back to is this: why shouldn’t we try to make society more equitable? The cold hard truth and reality of it is that we are never going to achieve 100% equity; we live in a democracy, not a utopia. But that does not mean we should stop trying, because I believe that the whole purpose of democracy is to underscore the value of chasing your dreams, fighting for what’s right, and getting as close to equity as possible. My idea of Americanism and democracy may be different, but that is the beauty of living in America and especially being a Wes student. As an institution with principles rooted in equity, I believe it is our responsibility to at least make an attempt to promote and facilitate an equitable environment.
This pandemic has impacted everyone in a multitude of ways. To be honest, I am afraid, but hopeful. I am certain everything will get better, but when? No one knows and this is the difficult part. But we do not have to wait in complacency. Instead, we must ask ourselves, what can we do to create a better future?
I very much encourage students to think about their own experiences and what would really be best for them, but also to consider others who are vulnerable. I want all of you to stand up and make this decision for yourself, and for us to make this decision together. If we have the option to do more, then why not do it?
In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic and the major challenges that students are facing because of this crisis, many Wesleyan students have been asking a similar question: What can I do to help? Students have created a First-Generation Low-Income (FGLI) GoFundMe, mutual aid spreadsheets, and a variety of other community organizing efforts as they work to bring students together and provide assistance in a time of physical isolation and economic crisis.
One such community organizing effort looks to change Wesleyan’s grading system during this semester in order to mitigate the impact that the coronavirus is already having on students’ lives. After researching other universities that have implemented a Universal Pass/Fail (UPF) system of grading and working closely with a coalition of students from a variety of backgrounds, Bryan Chong ’21 and Maya Gomberg ’22 wrote and posted to Facebook a petition asking that Wesleyan administration move to a UPF system. Much to the surprise of Chong and Gomberg, the petition which was met with considerable backlash.
“The way that it happened is that [Bryan] brought it up to me as an idea, and then I ended up convincing him it was the right idea,” Gomberg explained. “It was pretty clear to me that right now we’re in a situation that’s so unprecedented, so it seemed totally unfair to grade students as though it was normal.”
The petition was formed based on discussions with a coalition of about 10 students from a variety of backgrounds. One of the students who was involved in these discussions, Virginia Sciolino ’21, raised concerns about continuing to use an A-F grading system during a global crisis because of the accessibility issues posed by online classes, especially for FGLI and international students.
“Grades function by creating a hierarchy among students in order to identify who is the most ‘successful’ or ‘high performing,’” Sciolino wrote in an email to The Argus. “I wanted to petition for Universal Pass/Fail because at this time privileging high performers also means discriminating against students who aren’t able to cope. Members of the Pass/Fail group also reached out to other students who felt similarly and we ultimately agreed that this pandemic is a unique situation, and letter-grade systems would not convey that.”
Though Elizabeth Ouanemalay ’23 was not a member of the coalition advocating for the petition, she was involved in discussions with Gomberg as she and Chong helped to draft the letter. Ouanemalay said she experienced mixed feelings about a UPF system at first and decided to reach out to her peers in the Questbridge Scholar Program at universities that had adopted a UPF policy to find out more.
She found that most of her contacts at schools that switched to a UPF grading mode, namely Carleton College, Stanford University, and Harvard University were fairly happy with the change, although there were certainly members of the student body who disagreed.
“At the universities that have decided to adopt a UPF policy, I feel like that was a good move on their end, and I can’t say that would be a good move for Wesleyan, just because it’s really different on how students feel personally, and what the administration decides,” Ouanemalay explained. “The situation’s very nuanced, and it’s hard to put a one shoe fits all in terms of grading, but would [a UPF system] make things more equitable? These other institutions have said yes that would, but I don’t know in terms of Wesleyan.”
Ouanemalay added that the most convincing argument in favor of a UPF system, for her, is that it would take the pressure off students to worry about their grades.
“I guess for me, my opinion on the UPF is very much mixed because of how Wesleyan students are,” Ouanemalay said. “For me personally, I just find it upsetting how much people are really stressed out about grades. I’m not sure if Universal Pass/Fail is the right decision, but I think we should reevaluate the conversation of how much grades matter. I just feel like during a time like this it’s upsetting that people have to be so upset about earning a grade.”
One of the major reasons that Gomberg and Chong favor a Universal Pass Fail system is that some of the graduate schools and grant programs surveyed by advocates of Yale University’s “No Fail Yale” campaign indicated that they would only accept “Pass” credits on a transcript if the university had transitioned to a UPF grading mode; in other words, choosing to take a course pass/fail could ultimately hurt a student’s chances of acceptance.
Chong said that he advocates for a UPF system as a way to combat the power dynamic that graduate schools and employers create, in which students will have very little control over how they are evaluated.
“What I’ve seen at Wesleyan and other universities we’ve talked to, it really seems like student bodies are very prepared to defer to grad schools, to defer to employers, to give them the power to see what is appropriate moving forward from this crisis, which I think is discouraging and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, given what I’ve said about how nobody really knows what is going on and nobody knows what is appropriate,” Chong explained. “I think that given how much power these institutions historically hold over students, and particularly disadvantaged students, there is really no reason for us to preemptively seed this ground in policy when there is a vacuum. Why are we keeping a system that stratifies people in an unfair way?”
With these concerns in mind, Gomberg and Chong posted their petition advocating for a Universal Pass Fail system to WesAdmits Facebook groups on Wednesday, April 1. The petition outlines the accessibility issues that make it very difficult for some students to participate regularly in classes, the concern that graduate schools might penalize students for choosing to take a course pass/fail, and a clause suggesting that students who are relying on A-F grades for this semester can petition the dean in order to receive permission to take classes graded.
Almost as soon as the petition was posted, it was met with backlash from students who had serious concerns about the effects of adopting a UPF system. One of the opponents of the petition was Shirmai Chung ’22, who emphasized the reliance of some FGLI students on grades as a way to distinguish themselves in job and graduate school applications.
“For many FGLI students, we have faced tremendous economic and social disadvantages when it comes to competing on these platforms,” Chung wrote in an email to The Argus. “However, our academic preparedness is one of the few relatively level playing fields that allow us to distinguish ourselves. These qualities are mostly reflected in our academic records when our applications get sent to employers and recruiters for university and scholarship foundations. Because of this, to implement a [UPF] policy would be to deny us of this chance to distinguish ourselves.”
Chung said she was involved in early forums and discussions about petitioning for a UPF system and raised her concerns to the organizers, but felt that her voice was not heard.
“I was surprised and frustrated when I woke up to a Facebook post from the organizers announcing the launch of the campaign, without any amendments or considerations of the implications which I have made aware to them,” Chung wrote. “The organizers dismissed my concerns, citing that their reasons for doing so was because my opinions seemed to have been an ‘outlier’ among my peers at the time.”
Chung also pointed out her frustration with the dismissal that FGLI communities often face.
“I am very frustrated to see how it has come to a point where FGLI folks have to be airing out their concerns and showing their vulnerability in public to be heard,” she wrote.
Chong and Gomberg said they were aware of the reality that many FGLI students experience in which they rely on grades to set themselves apart from competitors who might have access to more resources, but they pointed out that not all FGLI students will be able to maintain their usual academic performance this semester.
“Grades inherently stratify,” Chong said. “That is a feature and not a flaw of a system that has all these grades. The matter of fact is, there will be FGLI students, just within any community that is on the whole disadvantaged by society—a grading system will stratify within this group. If you are an FGLI student who is currently in a situation where you can pursue academics to reasonably high quality, that’s amazing, but there are a lot of FGLI students, and students period, who don’t have that.”
In her email to The Argus, Chung also suggested that students focus their campaigning efforts beyond Wesleyan, toward the institutions that will ultimately be evaluating grades from this semester.
“Rather than advocating for a [UPF system] at Wes, why don’t institutions partner up to petition grad schools to accept all P/F grades for Spring 2020?” Chung proposed. “That way, a level playing field will be given to everyone, not just institutions that have implemented a universal P/F policy.”
Chung was not the only one to suggest that students focus their campaign efforts elsewhere. In a post to WesAdmits, Laura Pérez Maquedano ’20 expressed that she feels as though classes are one of the most stable components of her life right now and hopes that students will think about supporting their FGLI peers in other ways.
“I think that in these times, it is counterproductive to try to help students with grants that can’t, for some reason or another, make the effort to take classes graded,” Maquedano wrote. “Rather, I think the best way to help is to ask those students, why do they feel like they can’t take classes graded? I am sure if you ask this question you will find the problems that need to be fixed, or at least, ameliorated: housing insecurities, mental health, lack of loved ones….”
Many students also said that they felt a blanket decision to switch to a universal grading mode would be inadequate to address the problem at hand. Gad Licht ’20 expressed frustration at being lumped into a category based on his personal background.
“I’m going to speak on my own behalf, being a disabled student, autistic, dyslexic, ADHD, neurodivergent and from an abusive household who has long advocated various reforms in education or our community,” Licht wrote in an email to The Argus. “You can’t speak for all of us, and we need flexibility. For some of us online courses can be easier due to the school environment not being the best and this being more flexible, for others it is torture as we deal with stress and disease and family. It can be on a very case by case basis.”
A variety of students also took to the comments section of the post on Facebook to voice similar concerns regarding their need to distinguish themselves, desire to continue taking graded classes for stability and continuity purposes, and questions about how graduate schools would respond to opt-in Pass/Fail systems as opposed to UPF. Above all, students expressed frustration at being generalized and voiced their personal reasons for supporting or not supporting a UPF system.
Gomberg said that she was surprised at all the negative feedback, given the support for a UPF system from the FGLI and international students in the coalition that worked on the petition and other students who reached out to her.
“It’s been a little frustrating because publicly there’s been a lot more criticism, but I know that the emails in my inbox have been showing a lot of support,” said Gomberg. “People are actively reaching out to say that it is a relief to them that someone is advocating for this possibility.”
In response to some of the backlash that the petition has faced, Chong pointed out that he and Gomberg were never working on the petition independently and felt that they did their best to include as many other student voices as possible.
“Because of the way that certain students are characterizing this campaign online and off, there seems to be the impression that these are just two upper middle class liberal arts college kids trying to do what they personally think is best for FGLI students,” Chong said. “I just want to come out and strongly dispel that impression, because the entire time we have been in active conversation with a significant portion of people that hopefully a policy like this would help the most. This is a policy that we hope would help all students, but given disproportionate impact it would disproportionately help some students.”
Though Chong and Gomberg said they were disappointed with lack of student support for a UPF model, they recognize the need to seek an alternative solution to help make grades this semester more equitable. After a series of discussions within the coalition, they decided to put out a survey that asked students their opinion about the best way to approach grading modes.
Chong added that their main goal is to make grading more equitable—not to force any one solution on students.
“I do want to stress that a big part of the campaign is not only just proposing the UPF policy, but also the underlying concerns that make this campaign happen,” Chong said. “We acknowledge that UPF may not be the only solution at all or the best solution at all, but we saw it as a solution that was workable and fit into other parameters that we were thinking about.”
Gomberg also put into words the dilemma that she and Chong have faced as they attempt to advocate for people who need help the most during these times, without entirely drowning out their individual voices.
“Obviously we want to be lifting up FGLI voices, and to make sure that they are heard on issues that most affect them, and at the same time there is a growing frustration among FGLI students that they shouldn’t be the only ones advocating for themselves, and other students should show some solidarity and camaraderie and help those causes,” Gomberg explained. “We’re trying to figure out a way that the responsibility to advocate doesn’t fall solely on the backs of FGLI students while making sure that their voices are the ones that are most heard and valued very highly.”
Sciolino acknowledged that the UPF petition ultimately did not accurately represent the viewpoints of all Wesleyan students but hopes that the survey, which she posted to WesAdmits, will provide guidance for where the campaign should go next.
“Ultimately, we published the petition with a skewed dataset, believing that more students supported it than we knew,” Sciolino explained. “Since then, each one of us has read the Facebook comments. We discussed those for hours over Zoom and decided to publish a survey in the hopes that the survey could take a more accurate temperature so that we’d know whether or not to continue our campaign.”
Sciolino also shared her personal thoughts and worries in the Facebook post she created to share the survey.
“I’m worried about my housing situation, my family, my mental health, my finances,” she wrote. “On top of that, being worried about the consequences of choosing credit/ungraded has been too much. I knew that the current system just wouldn’t work for me. I never intended to alienate or anger any of y’all. To those who felt misrepresented by the petition, we are sorry.”
Although they have redirected their campaign, Gomberg and Chong said they do not plan to stop advocating for students and helping others in their community, especially as the COVID-19 pandemic continues to pose new difficulties.
“I really want all students to know that if they are bored, if they have more time on their hands, if they are in a comfortable situation right now and feel even the tiniest urge to help people out, now is the time to do it,” Chong concluded.
Chung said that though she feels the petition is an improvement as far as advocacy efforts, she’s still not sure that grading mode is the most important place to focus.
“Also with only a few weeks left until the end of the semester, I feel that changing the grading mode now, I’m afraid, will be too late, and will disrupt many peoples plans and expectations for the semester,” Chung said. “I think they’re better off advocating for individuals who need accommodations for this semester. For example, we on the [Wesleyan Student Assembly] have asked the school to attach a description detailing the circumstances this semester on our transcripts.”
Licht also weighed in on the creation of the survey, and added a concern.
“I definitely think this moves on the right track, but it should have been done before the petition and that huge blow up,” Licht said. “Now I am worried about turnout.”
Emma Smith can be reached at elsmith@wesleyan.edu.
In the time of the coronavirus pandemic, visiting news sources or social media almost inevitably results in feelings of dread, anxiety, and uncertainty. But according to juniors Olivia Crowell and Jaclyn Lore-Edwards, it doesn’t have to be that way. As two film majors with a little extra time on their hands, Crowell and Lore-Edwards have made it their mission to help students access purely positive content in negative times.
The pair calls the project a “Facetime talk show,” in which they record and compile interviews with students, parents, and anyone else who has something to share. The show is aptly titled “Quarentimes.”
“We interview people, about thirty so far, about their Quarentime,” Crowell wrote in an email to The Argus.“We ask them what they have learned about themselves, how they’ve spent their time in isolation and we play games. At the beginning of each interview, we give a brief spiel that we want to hear only about the silver lining. The interview is completely dedicated to focusing on the good. And people are willing to share!”
Lore-Edwards explained that the show draws on the uplifting stories and experiences of a wide variety of people.
“We really wanted to create something for people to focus on the good and take their minds off of the craziness of the world for a bit,” Lore-Edwards wrote in an email. “We talk to former teachers, fellow students, single parents, couples, and many other types of people, and it’s been such a great way to connect to new people and also catch up with old friends.”
Although “Quarentimes” was originally Crowell’s idea, the project has been a team effort all along. At the moment that inspiration struck, Crowell called Lore-Edwards to brainstorm.
“I knew that I have the most bubbly and positive best friend who is always down to start some wack project with me,” Crowell said.
Lore-Edwards attested to the creative benefits of collaboration.
“We mostly do everything together,” said Lore-Edwards. “I think our best ideas come when we just bounce off of each other. We came up with the questions, the formatting of the show, and the process of how we were going to make it happen together.”
The show is an amalgamation of recorded Zoom interviews, all centered around positive ways that people are keeping themselves entertained and healthy while social distancing and quarantining in their homes.
“Something I’ve loved learning throughout this process is how people are really making an effort to find something good in these times,” Lore-Edwards said. “We’ve had people show us new art or music projects they’re working on. We’ve had people read us entries from old diaries they’ve found and are reminiscing on. We’ve even had many people tell us how they’ve realized how grateful they are for certain things in life, which is really refreshing to hear.”
To add to the fun, each interview on “Quarentimes” involves a dress-up theme, ranging from “vacation” for teacher interviews to “fratty tailgate” for student ones. Lore-Edwards said she feels that this added touch helps the interviews feel like a break from reality, both for the subjects and the viewers.
Now, the work for Lore-Edwards and Crowell lies in compiling and editing these interviews into a fun and accessible talk show–style format.
“We record on Zoom and will compile and cut interviews together like the savvy film students we are,” Crowell explained.
The pair said that they expect the show will be available sometime this week on Youtube and Instagram’s streaming platform, IGTV.
Though “Quarentimes” centers entirely on the positive, goofy, and creative, Lore-Edwards said that the purpose of the show is to do more than purely entertain.
“We hope that the show will encourage people to make the best out of a sucky situation,” said Lore-Edwards. “And we realize that we have immense privilege to have the ability to look on the bright side of things, so I would also like the show to be a way for us to promote efforts by others to help people in these times. At the end of all of this, we want to be able to highlight as many stories as we can, and to really connect with people in a moment that feels so disconnected.”
In the wake of the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, The Argus will feature personal essays on how life has change in strange, scary, or surprising ways. If you have a hot take, a serious reflection, a funny anecdote, or anything in between, please email elsmith@wesleyan.edu.
I don’t really know why I’m writing right now. I might simply be compelled by a need to scream into the world the muddy pool of thoughts and feelings in my head as I mull over the first week of attempted normalcy since the loss of Wesleyan’s spring semester due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
I live with my 82-year-old grandfather in rural New Hampshire. After packing up my dorm room on March 13, I isolated myself from him because of his high-risk status. This time at home is especially painful for me because I live in the house my dad lived in. He passed away unexpectedly last fall. Being here reminds me of him every day. Social isolation is subtly exhausting. I didn’t realize how much I craved and missed my professors and classmates. A surprising wave of relief washed over me as familiar faces and voices began to populate my first Zoom call early Monday afternoon.
Beyond relief, Zoom creates absurd daily situations, presenting us with new questions we didn’t even know need answers. Video-on, or video-off? We MUSTN’T overlook important questions! A friend asked, “Is it creepy that I like seeing people’s houses?” When put like that, definitely creepy! But there is something innocently captivating about examining the details of what’s going on in everyone’s little corner. I also want to put out there that the “virtual background” option holds an untapped reservoir of entertainment potential. Beach background? Grab a bucket-hat, tank-top, and throw on some sunscreen! Dress up for the role, Zoom doesn’t kink-shame! Not feeling the role play? You can always kick it to something more lo-fi like some puppers. I enthusiastically support video-on for the reasons stated above, among others.
Zoom is a comedy of errors. However, it seems the errors outnumber the laughs. The premature initial joy at the suggestion of Zoom’s potential to replicate the familiar structure provided by classes fell away quicker than you can say, “I’m sorry, you cut out there for a second!” Technical frustrations distract from class, and despite professors’ best efforts, finding meaningful anecdotes about course material is extremely challenging. “What are you doing to motivate yourself to do work?” a peer half-jokingly, half-genuinely, asked during a check-in our professor holds before class. Several heads silently nodded in solidarity.
Maybe it just seems like there’s more work because we can’t get away from it. Campus-life provides several choices of workspaces: Olin, Sci-Li, Pi Café, Foss Hill in the spring, etc. It also allows for distinctly work-free spaces. One especially frustrating effect of online classes during quarantine is an unwelcome intrusion of inescapable work into previously work-free spaces. Many students’ home environments aren’t places where they can escape siblings, parents, grandparents, pets, etc. Clearly, more space presents an academic advantage for those who have it over those without such means.
Working in spaces traditionally reserved for other activities results in fewer places where I feel relaxed at home. So far, I usually work at the kitchen table. Yesterday, I realized I was subconsciously and physically avoiding it. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is because I’ve started working there. The decreasing number of stress-free places at home has definitely compounded a preexisting feeling of restlessness, which is especially difficult during a time when leaving the house isn’t really an option.
The aforementioned personal and academic benefits of on-campus life, illuminated by the first week of online classes, are no-doubt some of the reasons Wesleyan would point to if asked to justify its exorbitant tuition. This begs the questions: Why aren’t students consolidating to demand a partial tuition refund? If you paid for a fruit basket, and received a box of raisins, would you want some money back? Many students are receiving a Residential Comprehensive Fee refund for unused dorm rooms, meals, and points. What about unused libraries? Classrooms? The gym? Dance studios, practice rooms, counseling, tutors, the list goes on, and on, and on…. It’s obviously complicated, but the absence of conversation on this topic in WesAdmits and Wesleyan Student Assembly groups chats is puzzling.
At least I know I’m not alone in feeling a bit adrift.
“This isn’t what I signed up for,” one of my professors expressed.
Neither did we. Sorting through the onslaught of Zoom-invite emails to find the essential course updates with new syllabi and other information sent by professors is exhausting. I feel relieved that in a time of such heightened stress and uncertainty, most of my professors have accommodated students by either extending due dates or adjusting course material.
However, on the winding, isolated trail of online education, I’ve encountered a strange figure. A deviant educator! A professor has mysteriously missed the memo that many students have never used some of the new, and now essential, online software required for some classes. “It’s not rocket science guys” and “You gotta be shitting me” are a couple quotes from this exacerbated professor. While professors are entitled to feel however they want, I think it’s pretty basic to expect the same level of professionalism online as in person. Additionally, given the demonstrably lower amount of discussion occurring in online courses so far, I’m baffled as to how a course could run over its scheduled time. I am curious whether there is an explanation for this, other than that a professor hasn’t put the requisite thought into adjusting their curriculum to match the extraordinary circumstances. I recognize the sample size is small but, looking back on the first week, I definitely miss being at Wesleyan a little bit more.
This week was just the beginning and I’m not really sure how to end this reflection. I want to shout out that if people on campus are looking to stay in the New England area over the summer, my mom made three rooms available at her house in southern NH. It’s a gorgeous spot; some really good hiking, lots of animal life, fast internet, easy access to pharmacies and food. Additionally, please use the resources the WSA is making available. Hoping everyone reading this reflection is safe and well!
Before I go, a few Wesleyan Week 1 Zoom quotes for the road:
“Omfg his baby is so cute; I can’t believe he just introduced us.”
“Yeah I know she’s been texting me all class.”
“When the prof coughs on Zoom…”
“FYI, this class is going to run over. We have a lot of material to get through guys.”
“I love that instead of adjusting the curriculum for the course, we are pushing over the time limit.”
Located on Lawn Avenue, the Wasch Center for Retired Faculty blends in seamlessly with the program houses and residences that surround it. The house’s blue paint and big windows invite you in, and, sure enough, just beyond the entrance is a comfortable living room with a couch, armchairs, and copies of The New York Times sprawled across the coffee table.
The Wasch Center is charming and welcoming by design. Established in 2004 by the contributions of Susan B. and William K. Wasch, the Center is a home for retired faculty who would like to continue to pursue their academic interests. The bottom floor consists of an information desk along with the Hallowell Foyer, the Creeger Room, the Barber Room, and the Butterfield Room. Upstairs on the second and third floors are cozy, well-lit offices for professors who are no longer employed by the University.
Wasch Center Director Emeritus Karl Scheibe said that he collaborated with Bill Wasch to create the concept for the Center in 2003, when he was beginning to think about the end of his career.
“As I was approaching retirement in 2002, I started to get nervous about what I was going to do when I retired, because there was nothing like this structure around,” Scheibe said. “With the collaboration of a couple colleagues, we started to call meetings of retired faculty members, faculty members who had retired but had never met as a group of retired faculty members.”
After these early meetings of retired faculty and a few discussions between Scheibe and Wasch over friendly squash matches and pizza, the idea for the creation of the Center was born, modeled largely on Yale’s existing Henry Koerner Center for Emeritus Faculty. Due to Wasch’s significant financial contribution, Scheibe said that he was able to convince former President Doug Bennett ’59 to support the establishment of the Center after just one short meeting.
Soon after its founding, the Wasch Center began to establish itself as a home for continued academic inquiry. Though the Center was initially headed by Scheibe, in 2016, Professors David Beveridge and Alex Dupuy took over as its co-directors. Beveridge explained the mission of the Wasch Center to facilitate the continued education of faculty members.
“The mission of the Wasch Center is the support of continuing scholarship of faculty after retirement. Scholarship is an essential element of the career of all faculty members, and some continue their scholarly work after retirement, writing books and new research articles,” Beveridge said. “The Wasch Center is a locus for that vital activity, as well as a seminar series and publication parties for new books when they are published.”
Dupuy said that the co-director role of the Wasch Center is different from other leadership roles within the University.
“As co-directors, we are not like department chairs,” Dupuy said. “We do not have majors who need to be shepherded through our programs, and we do not participate in hiring or promoting faculty colleagues. Our main role at the Center is to oversee its operating budget and to work with our colleagues to sustain our activities and events.”
Scheibe also noted the collaborative and non-departmental nature of the Wasch Center, especially in contrast to the competition that can sometimes arise within departments at undergraduate universities.
“Morale within the Wasch Center has always been positive,” Scheibe said. “There’s no competitiveness, no sense of preference or striving to achieve distinction or tenure. It’s a wonderfully eclectic group of people, and there’s no departmentalism because we don’t belong to one discipline as much as we’re members of the Wasch Center.”
Beyond providing office space for retired professors, the Wasch Center is also home to programs such as a bi-weekly lecture series, an Emeritus College, non-credit classes through the Wesleyan Institute for Lifelong Learning (WILL), and receptions for newly retired faculty, among a variety of other programming.
The WILL program, directed by Professor Rick Friswell, provides opportunities for members of the wider Wesleyan community who are interested in continuing their education through non-credit courses.
“The idea was to begin an adult education program that would be staffed at least in part by retired faculty members who wanted to teach a course on this or that odd topic,” Scheibe said. “We’ve had courses on 50 or 60 different topics.”
WILL courses offered this Spring include “The Great Migration: Seasonal Birds Arrive in New England,” taught by Audubon Center Bent of the River Education Program Director Ken Elkins, along with “Reality, Morality & Madness: Psychological Perspectives on Hamlet,” taught by former Adjunct Professor of Psychology Steve Bank.
The Wasch Center also provides classroom learning opportunities for students. The Emeritus College Program, established in 2017 and coordinated by Professor Richard Adelstein, allows retired faculty members to teach classes and tutorials geared toward current Wesleyan undergraduates.
“The Emeritus college is a way of encouraging undergraduates to think of retired faculty as an extra kind of resource,” Scheibe said. “That’s been a wonderfully rich idea and needs more development, because there are faculty members around who are just itching to teach. It’s a really fine opportunity if you find the right match.”
The Wasch Center is preparing for some administrative changes at the end of the semester. Beveridge and Dupuy will step down as co-directors this summer, to be succeeded by Professor Krishna Winston. Both Beveridge and Dupuy, along with Scheibe, said they are excited to see what Winston will accomplish in the role.
Dupuy said that he is sure he will continue to be involved with the Wasch Center even after stepping down as co-director.
“I’ve been editing the Center’s bi-annual newsletter for the past three years,” Dupuy said. “I will continue to do so when I step down as co-director at the end of June of this year, and participate in the Center’s events and activities.”
Going forward, the Wasch Center expects to continue with its programming and providing support and community for retired professors. Scheibe said he hopes that students will be encouraged to explore the opportunities for intellectual discourse that the Center presents.
“Most of our programs are well-attended,” Scheibe said. “But we can always find a seat somewhere.”
Emma Smith can be reached at elsmith@wesleyan.edu.
When Psychology Professor Matthew Kurtz created and proposed a research study comparing two treatment methods for schizophrenia to the National Institutes of Mental Health in 2014, the study was not funded, much to his disappointment. But this was not the end of the road for Kurtz’s idea. After taking time to write a book and teach, Kurtz revisited the study two years ago to rework his grant proposal, and finally received the response he had been hoping for.
This January, the National Institute of Mental Health awarded Kurtz and Quantitative Analysis Center Professor of the Practice Jennifer Rose a $492,410 Academic Research Enhancement Award to cover the costs of their study, which is titled “Comparing Cognitive Remediation Approaches for Schizophrenia.”
Kurtz has spent most of his career thinking about schizophrenia: the population that the mental illness affects, how it affects them, and most importantly, how it can be treated. He said his inspiration for the study came from a desire to compare two approaches to the treatment of schizophrenia that are commonly practiced in the field of psychology.
“Basically, people with chronic schizophrenia have persistent difficulties in attention, remembering things, solving problems in everyday life,” Kurtz said. “We now have two relatively well studied approaches to helping people manage or address these difficulties in paying attention, remembering things, and problem solving. And yet these two approaches, in the scientific literature, have never been compared.”
The first approach that Kurtz mentioned involves what he calls “brain training.” Subjects practice exercises in attention and memory, such as clicking on a yellow square that flashes on a computer screen as quickly as possible, or tracking the square with the mouse. As participants practice and improve, they move through a series of increasingly challenging exercises, training their brains to focus and remember better.
The second approach centers on developing strategies to get around difficulties in attention, such as using acronyms to remember names and places, or practicing visualization. This approach to treatment gives people with a schizophrenia diagnosis the tools that they need to compensate for the difficulties they may experience on a day-to-day basis.
Kurtz and Rose’s “Comparing Cognitive Remediation Approaches for Schizophrenia” will look for indicators that one course of treatment is more successful than the other.
“I think our hope is that we may be able to find an intervention that is more effective than another,” Kurtz said. “We also may have some clues as to which intervention is more helpful for which participants.”
The study is still in its early phases. Participants have recently been enrolled and gone through their initial assessments, with treatment scheduled to start in the next few days. While Kurtz will play more of a supervisory role in organizing and conducting the study, Rose will be directly involved in the quantitative aspect of the research.
“Professor Rose is a biostatistician by training, so she’s involved in randomization strategy of getting participants into groups; she will be involved in applying advanced statistical methods to understanding the meaning of our results,” Kurtz said.
Though the study is running smoothly so far, it certainly comes with its unique challenges. One difficulty that Kurtz noted is the fact that treatment will be taking place at two sites: the Institute of Living in Hartford and River Valley Services in Middletown. With both clinicians and Wesleyan students involved in conducting assessments and the intervention, Kurtz said that he has spent most of his time and energy thus far training people and making sure everyone knows what they need to be doing.
However challenging it may be to include students alongside professionals at the two locations, Kurtz said he feels that the study provides a unique opportunity for both parties to work together effectively.
“I think the grant is going to give us the opportunity to increase ties between Wes and mental health facilities,” Kurtz. “I think that’s a real strength.”
Kurtz added that for many students, involvement in the study is not just about gaining research experience or engaging in applied learning.
“It gives Wesleyan students another way of addressing social inequities, and those social inequities are around the idea of the severely psychiatrically ill, who are a chronically underserved population in the United States,” Kurtz explained. “That’s certainly part of why I got into this field, and I suspect that’s what motivates some of the students who work in the lab.”
Emma Smith can be reached at elsmith@wesleyan.edu.
Now in his 16th year working at the University, Cándido Tobon is one of the senior-most members of Wesleyan’s cleaning staff. The Argus sat down with Tobon in the Butterfield B lounge to discuss his role on campus, the changes that the University has undergone, and what he does in his free time.
This interview was originally conducted in Spanish. The version that appears here has been translated to English. The original interview can be found below.
The Argus: Do you live in Middletown?
Cándido Tobon: In New Britain.
A: I’m from West Hartford.
CT: Ahh, I worked in West Hartford for some time. Do you know 960? It’s a little mall in West Hartford, that managed to move to New Britain. I worked in those businesses, 960, 41, 28, which are doctors’ offices. 41 Main Street. I supervised their cleaning services.
A: How long have you worked at the University?
CT: Since 2004.
A: A long time! How did you find the job here?
CT: Through my aunt, who works here. She is a cleaner.
A: What is your favorite part of working here?
CT: Really, I like to work. If you are busy, the whole day is much better. My favorite part is that I am outside, at one moment in one place, and in another the next. The fun of it for me is moving in and out of buildings. I know the entire University, all of it, every corner of the University from my work here these years.
A: What is your work like? What do you do in a normal day?
CT: I do a little bit of everything. I am in charge of utilities, I’m the one who’s in charge if soap is missing, or paper towels, or if there’s vomit or water to clean up. If a toilet gets clogged, Physical Plant comes and calls me, I clean it.
A: How has the University changed during your time here?
CT: At the beginning [of my time here], in the houses around the University, there was no furniture. People were hired to empty the houses and take out all the furniture that [students] left, to leave them without furniture. Now it’s easier for you because you have a bed, you have chairs, you have all of it. Before, students bought their own furniture, and it was more work.
The buildings, when I got here, were trashed. Students smoked inside the bathrooms. Students also had access to the basements, and had their parties in the basements. They had to clean out the bottles, glasses, many things. At the end of the year, when you all left, the University hired people to clean everything.
Now, there are more restrictions within the University. The country, in the same way as the University, has changed with respect to [students’] security, because there have been accidents that cost students their lives. So for this reason the University has taken stronger actions, in order to prevent fires and keep an eye on every [student]. Because if it were like it was before, and basements were accessible, any person from outside could come into the basement, and [students] would be in danger.
One time, in my fourth year, in the bookstore which used to be on Broad Street, a student’s boyfriend came and killed her. Everything happened so fast that they weren’t able to catch the person in that moment, they caught him later. But it was negligence, there wasn’t much security and now the police also have access to students inside the buildings. Now the police can enter.
A: Do you only work with SMG now, or do you have another job as well?
CT: I have another job. I work for Fidelco [Guide Dog Foundation], supervising. I was in West Hartford, but I moved to a building that’s in Glastonbury, 628 Hebron [Avenue]. There are new opportunities and experiences that one is able to have [as a supervisor]. Compared to cleaning, it’s a greater responsibility.
A: Do you live with your family in New Britain?
CT: Yes, with my family. I have two daughters, one who is 11 years old and the other who is 8 months old.
A: Congratulations!
CT: [Smiling] Thank you. My wife is from Santo Domingo. I am from Mexico.
A: When did you come to the United States?
CT: I arrived in the United States in 2002. I established an address in 2016, and since 2016 I have been legal in the country.
A: What are some differences between your life here and your life in Mexico?
CT: There isn’t much of a difference because New Britain is a pueblo, and where I lived was also a pueblo. There aren’t many people, which is what I like—that there aren’t many people. Because if you live in New York [City], it’s a totally different life. Many people around, day and night, lots of noise. I like the tranquility. In my free time I like to watch television, I like to have space, it’s satisfying. I’ve traveled to New York and the spaces are very small. I like to work in the yard, on the plants, cultivating them. It’s really nice to have a pastime [and to see] that a plant flowers because of the care that you give it.
A: What else do you like to do outside of work?
CT: Sometimes I entertain myself fixing my own car. I spend time with my daughters, the weekends I have free. But, the majority of the time is work, because really in Connecticut, it’s an expensive state and if someone doesn’t have two jobs, with minimum wage, they can survive, but not in a desirable manner.
A: Does your wife work as well?
CT: She works as a stylist, doing hair in New Britain. I am the [person] who spends the most time working…. Sometimes 24 hours, sometimes I come in for overtime. In the past, there was much more work, and I had to sometimes work 50 hours every week, 60. A lot of time at the University. I am 36 years old, so for my age, I have many years of seniority on campus. I have really dedicated a lifetime to working at Wesleyan.
A: Where did you learn to speak English?
CT: There used to be courses with [students] on campus. I learned a lot. Not only were there classes, but sometimes there were conversations, like this one now. I explained my doubts in learning English, and they resolved them in conversation. It was difficult for me—I knew the words, but for me it was difficult to connect them. You know how to say one thing, but you don’t know how to make a sentence, because sometimes it varies in the past, present and future, it’s different. But through long conversations, I succeeded in having a little more experience in conversing and speaking English. And through my work, because my job necessitates it as well, talking with people who need something. Sometimes [students] need something, I have to know what [they] need in order to help.
There are people who think it’s a luxury to know English, but it’s not as much of a luxury as it is a necessity. At the level of, like you when you’re going to visit a Latin American country, [you need to know] Spanish.
A: Does the English learning program you described still exist?
CT: It doesn’t exist anymore, because it took an hour every week to speak to a worker and give them a lesson in English. It ended because of the excess work, because many people complained of the excess work. There’s not enough time to set aside an hour for English. I really think that you fought it as students, but it was something that you were hired for as students. You received something, or it was a program, it was made within the University and the University supported it. But the enthusiasm has been declining. It really was very good because many of us learned so much.
A: Thank you so much for your thoughts and for your time. Is there anything else you would like to add?
CT: Well, it’s very positive to work with [students]. Many of you are friendly with us while we do the cleaning. Many of you try not to make a mess, but at the same time, there are many who make a huge mess. And we understand, because you pay a fee that includes cleaning. It’s in everything. I know that there are people who understand and there are people that don’t understand. It’s really the education that each person receives in their home.
———————————————————————————————————————–
Entrando en su decimosexto año trabajando en la Universidad, Cándido Tobon es uno de los miembros más seniores de los empleados de limpieza de Wesleyan. “Realmente he dedicado una vida a trabajar en Wesleyan,” dijo Tobon, quien vive en New Britain con su esposa y sus dos hijas jóvenes. The Argus se sentó con Tobon en la sala de Butterfields B para discutir su papel en el campus, los cambios que la Universidad ha experimentado en su tiempo aquí, y sus intereses fuera del trabajo.
The Argus: ¿Vive usted en Middletown?
Cándido Tobon: En New Britain.
A: Yo soy de West Hartford.
CT: Ahh, yo trabajé un tiempo en West Hartford. ¿Tú sabes el 960? Es un pequeño mall de West Hartford, que se logró mover a New Britain. Yo trabajé en estos businesses, 960, 41, 28, que son de doctores. 41 Main Street. Yo trabajé supervisando sus servicios de limpieza.
A: ¿Hace cuánto tiempo trabaja usted en la universidad?
CT: Desde dos mil cuatro.
A: ¡Muchos años! Y ¿cómo encontró el trabajo aquí?
CT: Con mi tía, que trabaja aquí. Ella hace limpieza.
A: ¿Cuál es su parte favorita del trabajo aquí?
CT: En realidad, me gusta trabajar. Si usted es ocupado todo el día pues es mucho mejor. Y la parte favorita mía es que estoy afuera, un momento en un lugar, un momento en otro. La diversión mía es estar dentro y fuera de los edificios. Yo conozco toda la universidad entera. Todo, todo, cada esquina de la universidad durante todos estos años.
A: ¿Cómo es su trabajo? ¿Qué hace durante un día rutinario?
CT: De todo, de todo un poco. Soy el utility, soy el que se encarga si falta un jabón, si falta un papel, si hay un vómito o agua de limpiar. Si un baño se tapó, viene Physical Plant y yo vengo, yo limpio…
A: ¿Cómo ha cambiado la universidad durante su tiempo aquí?
CT: En el principio, en las casas alrededor de la universidad, no había muebles. No había muebles, y se contrataba personal para vacilar las casas, sacar todos los muebles que ustedes como estudiantes dejaban, para dejarlas sin muebles. Ahora es más fácil para ustedes porque tienen una cama, tienen sillones, y tienen todo. Anteriormente se compraron sus propios muebles, y era más trabajo.
Los edificios, cuando yo entré, estaban desechos. Estudiantes fumaban dentro de los baños. Tenían acceso a los basements, hacían sus fiestas en los basements. Tenían que limpiarlos de botellas, de vasos, de muchas cosas. Al fin del año, cuando ustedes iban, [la Universidad] contrataba a gente para limpiar todo.
Ahora, hay más restricciones dentro de la universidad. El país, de igual manera de la universidad, ha cambiado con respecto a la seguridad de ustedes porque aquí han pasado accidentes que han cobrado vidas de estudiantes. Entonces, por eso la universidad toma acciones más fuertes, para no tener ningún fire y tenerlos vigilados a cada uno de ustedes. Porque si estuviera como antes, un basement que sea accesible, cualquier persona de afuera puede meterse en el basement y usted está en peligro.
Una vez, en el cuarto año, en la librería que estaba en [Broad Street] vino novio de un estudiante y la mató dentro de la librería. Entonces, todo fue tan rápido, no lograron capturar en ese momento la persona, lo capturaron después. Pero fue una negligencia, no había mucha seguridad y ahora, la policía también tiene aceso a ustedes acá adentro. Ahora la policía puede entrar.
A: Ahora, ¿solo trabaja con SMG o tiene otro trabajo también?
CT: Tengo otro trabajo. Trabajo para FIDELCO, supervisando. Era en West Hartford, pero me movía a un building que es en Glastonbury, 628 de Hebron [Avenue]. Hay oportunidades y experiencias nuevas que uno va logrando tener. Comparado con la limpieza, es una mayor responsabilidad.
A: ¿Vive con su familia en New Britain?
CT: Sí, con mi familia. Tengo dos hijas, una de 11 años y la otra de 8 meses.
A: ¡Felicitaciones!
CT: [Con una sonrisa] Thank you. Mi esposa es de Santo Domingo. Yo soy de México.
A: ¿Cuándo vino usted a los Estados Unidos?
CT: Entré en los Estados Unidos en 2002. Me residencié en 2016 y desde 2016 he sido legal dentro del país.
A: ¿Qué son algunas diferencias entre su vida aquí y su vida en México?
CT: No es una gran diferencia porque New Britain es un pueblo y donde yo vivía también había un pueblo. No hay mucha gente, es lo que me gusta a mi, que no haya mucha gente. Porque si tu vives en Nueva York, es una vida totalmente diferente. Mucha gente alrededor, día, noche, mucho grito. Me gusta la tranquilidad. En mis tiempos libres prefiero mirar la televisión, me gusta tener el espacio porque es satisfactorio. Yo he viajado a Nueva York y los espacios son muy pequeños. Me gusta trabajar en la yarda, en las plantas, cultivarlas. Es muy lindo tener un entretenimiento. Ver que una planta florece, da una flor del cuidado que tu le das.
A: ¿Qué más le gusta hacer fuera del trabajo?
CT: A veces me entretengo componiendo mi propio carro. Paso tiempo con mis hijas, los fines de semana que tengo libre. Y pues, la mayoría del tiempo es trabajo, porque realmente en Connecticut, es un estado caro y si una persona no tenga dos trabajos, con el salario mínimo, sí pueden sobrevivir pero no de una manera que es deseable.
A: ¿Trabaja su esposa también?
CT: Ella trabaja en estilistas, arreglando cabello en New Britain. Yo soy una de las personas que pasa más tiempo trabajando dentro de la universidad. Es de, a veces, 24 horas, a veces vengo overtime. En el pasado había mucho más trabajo y tenía que a veces trabajar 50 horas cada semana, 60. Mucho tiempo en la universidad. Tengo alrededor de 36 años, so para la edad que yo tengo, son muchos años de señorío dentro de campus. Realmente he dedicado una vida a trabajar en Wesleyan.
A: ¿Dónde aprendió hablar inglés?
CT: Anteriormente había cursos con ustedes dentro del campus. Aprendí mucho. No simplemente eran clases, sino a veces eran pláticas como la de ahora. Yo explicaba mis dudas en aprender inglés, y ellos los resolvían en las pláticas. Para mi era difícil–yo sabía las palabras, pero para mi era difícil unirlas. Sabes cómo se dice una cosa, pero no sabes como hacer una frase, porque a veces varía en el pasado, presente, y futuro, es distinto. Pero a través de pláticas largas, logré tener un poco más experiencia en platicar y hablar inglés. Y a través de mi trabajo, porque mi trabajo lo necesita también, de platicar con gente que necesita una cosa, el diálogo en la calle. A veces necesitan algo, tengo que saber que necesitan para ayudar.
Hay personas que piensan que es un lujo, saber inglés, pero no es tanto el lujo sino es la necesidad. A nivel de, como ustedes cuando van a viajar a países latinos, [necesitan saber] el español. Realmente, porque inglés y español son unas lenguas de mayoridad de todo el mundo.
A: ¿Existe todavía el programa de aprender inglés que usted describió?
CT: Ya no existe, porque se tomaba una hora cada semana para hablar a un trabajador y darle una clase en inglés. Terminó por exceso de trabajo, porque mucha gente se queja de exceso de trabajo. No hay suficiente tiempo para agarrar una hora de inglés. Y realmente me parece que eso lo peleaban ustedes como estudiantes, pero era algo que ustedes contrataban como estudiantes. Recibían algo, o era un programa, estaba hecho dentro de la universidad y la universidad lo apoyaba. Pero se ha ido perdiendo el entusiasmo. Realmente era muy bueno porque muchos de nosotros aprendimos demasiado.
A: Muchas gracias por sus pensamientos y por su tiempo. ¿Hay algo más que usted quiere decir?
CT: Pues, es muy favorable trabajar con ustedes. Muchos de ustedes son complacibles con nosotros mientras hacemos la limpieza. Muchos de ustedes tratan de no ensuciar, pero de igual manera, hay muchos que ensucian demasiado. Y comprendemos, porque ustedes pagan una cuota que incluye la limpieza. Es como en todo. Yo sé que hay personas que comprendemos y hay personas que no comprendemos. Realmente es la educación que cada uno recibe en su hogar.
Emma Smith can be reached at elsmith@wesleyan.edu.
The Argus sat down with Chair of the Religion Department Professor Ronald Cameron to discuss his time at Wesleyan, his reading interests, and of course Cameron’s favorite hobby: baseball. Below is the conversation, edited for clarity.
The Argus: When did you start teaching?
Ronald Cameron: I started here in 1981, so about 38, 39 years ago. It’s the only professional job I’ve ever had.
A: And you got your degree at Harvard?
RC: Yeah, I got my two graduate degrees at Harvard. Masters in ’77 and Ph.D. in ’83.
A: How has Wesleyan changed? How has teaching changed since you’ve been here?
RC: Well, I’ve certainly changed a lot. At Harvard I was well-educated in graduate studies, but that’s different from learning about how to teach college students. I was trained in early Christianity in a very strong program at Harvard at a high level. But here, at the sort of generic academic studies of religion, that’s a different beast. And so early Christian studies or Buddhist studies or Hindu Studies or Jewish studies can be part of religious studies, which is a second-order meta-reflective discipline. Everything I’ve learned about religion, by which I mean the academic study of religion, I’ve learned on the job while being here. It’s been challenging and very rewarding. [And] the students have changed. In many respects the students are more or better equipped to come to Wesleyan.
A: I’m surprised, actually.
RC: I think—this is a gross generalization—I don’t think students write as well as they used to. It’s a generalization, but it varies and it depends on papers. I’ve got stacks there [pointing], but certainly students don’t read as much as they used to. I think in large part, though not exclusively, it’s related to the technology. People are doing things technologically, which I’m not doing, and so you don’t read as much…. Students now know less, sometimes a lot less, about basic stuff about religious traditions than they used to. Even when students weren’t reared Catholic of Protestant or whatever, students typically knew something, but now if I paraphrase something, a general maxim from say the Gospel Mathew or if I make reference to Moses, they don’t know who Moses is. So that’s a noticeable change. So now I have to try to explain who Moses is—which I’m happy to try to do. But otherwise, even if you haven’t read it or you’re not a practitioner, you know, of it…. People who were educated in the old days, 2,000 years ago, they knew those references.
A: You have a lot of books on your shelves.
RC: I have three offices!
A: What books do you read for work? For pleasure?
RC: In the office here [in the Religion Department] I do mostly administrative work for class, and as Department Chair again this year and then also preparing class and all, but I hardly do any research or scholarship in here. I do that in offices at my house. So most of the books I’m working with, the sort of academic books, they’re at my house. But these are overflow, so it’s some journals and some early Christian studies and religious studies books, and I’ve got some novels, and I have a relatively good sports library because I’m obviously a serious student of baseball…. I like baseball a lot. I read baseball books, and I don’t read enough poetry, though I like Seamus Heaney. And I don’t read enough novels, but I like to read. And I usually read a number of books at one time. Not counting academic stuff, I like to read biography and history. One of the books I’m reading now is by Jill Lepore. She’s a professor of history at Harvard and she’s quite good and has become quite famous. She even writes for The New Yorker I think, which is impressive!
A: Mainstream!
RC: That’s good, right? That’s mainstream and at a high level! Jill Lepore is a very serious student of American history and she’s got a wonderful fat book—it’s over 900 pages. It came out six months ago and I bought [it] for myself for Christmas. It’s called “These Truths.” As in, “We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal,” from the Declaration. It’s a history of the United States. And it’s really quite good in fact. She has a thesis about it, in terms of if we’re going to be educated in public or not, and she draws on Jefferson and some of these so-called Founders of the Nation. That’s quite good.
A: Do you have a favorite class that you’ve taught here?
RC: I don’t! I have a number of favorites: “Introduction to the Study of Religion,” which I’ll be doing again this spring. I’ve taught variations of “Introduction to the New Testament” many many times. The course I’m doing now with you, “Heretics and History, Heretics and Heresy.”
A: “Jesus and the Gods?”
RC: Well, yeah. I’ll come back to that. What I’m doing now, in my other class I’ve never taught before, is some of those texts about the so-called categories of heresy and heretics. The course you’re in now, “Jesus and the Gods,” is only the second time I’ve ever taught it. I taught it three or four years ago and I really enjoyed it. But it’s nice to do some new stuff.
A: Do you have a favorite book in the Bible? New Testament? Old Testament?
RC: I don’t. I have some favorites in the New Testament. In no particular order, they would be: Paul’s letter to the Galatians, the Book of Acts, the Gospels of Mark, Matthew, and John. Those are my favorite New Testament books, I think. I have a lot of favorite texts that I read that are early Christian texts that aren’t in the Bible, like the Gospel Thomas.
A: Now for a fun question: what are the chances for the Red Sox next year?
RC: [laughing] Well, we got ’em last year! This year was disappointing. We lost 24 more games this year than last—that’s a lot. Last year we won 108 and won the World Series for the fourth time this century.
A: And you beat my Dodgers!
RC: We did, but we love the Dodgers! We did in five games. I understand, you know. I understand rooting for your home team. I’m a Red Sox fan, which means I hate the Yankees. I respect them though, they are good. But I loathe them. But I understand: If they’re your team, they’re your team.
Jadan Villaruel has, according to his nominators, scores of fans around campus. His personality includes “phenomenal sassiness” and he “always makes a point to show…people his love.” He has a lot of thoughts on Wesleyan, astrology, and “our generation’s Madonna,” Charli XCX. The Argus caught up with him over lunch to hear it all, and to hear his response to what some of his fans had to say about him.
The Argus: I want to hear your response to what your nominators said, but first, how are you? How was your fall break?
Jadan Villaruel: Good. I saw Charli XCX. Stream Charli XCX. Make sure that’s in the article. She’s an icon. My white queen.
A: Fantastic.
JV: But yeah, what [the nomination] said. I think I’m a reserved person. But like, I go somewhere and people are like, “Hey, hey. Whatever, whatever.” And I end up talking to them. Mostly I’m not really talking about like, personal shit. So it’s just in passing, you’re just like, “Hey, how’s it going?”, complain about the University, whatever, you know, usual Wes shit. But when I have friends-friends, I need time to sit down and actually spend time with them. Getting a meal is always fun. But that’s not always the extent to which I want a friendship to be. I guess that’s the Gemini in me, the Gemini rising, the Gemini moon.
A: Are you into astrology?
JV: Yeah, I am. Honestly I think like sophomore year [I got into it]. I was just bored and I’m just like, okay, like I’m a Taurus, but like that’s all I know. Like there are so many other aspects to the whole astrology shit. People are just like, I don’t believe that, blah blah blah. I’m like, well, maybe there’s something in your chart that’s making you not believe that, but you wouldn’t know because you’re not open to it. Maybe you’re not open because like, I don’t know, maybe whatever planet is in whatever constellation at that time affects your, your openness. But you wouldn’t know that, because you’re not exploring your chart, your whole person.
A: I think I’ve always been kind of skeptical of that stuff. I think a lot of white people are. Do you notice that?
JV: [laughing] I don’t need to get into it. I dunno. I feel like it’s a type of, there’s a spiritual aspect to it. Not that a lot of white people are like…. But this was the stereotype coming into high school that I had. That white people are atheist, they’re like, “I don’t believe in God, what has God ever done for me?” And like, I don’t know. What has God done for you? I don’t know. I can’t say, cause everyone has different experiences with religion. So I’m not going to like…“Ah, religion. God is real.” Like, I don’t care. But yeah, I just feel like, if I had to put a reason, give a reason to why there are certain types of white people that aren’t into it’s because they’re like closed off in that realm of their life. Spiritually.
A: Would you call yourself a spiritual person?
JV: Yeah. Yeah.
A: Religious, or just spiritual?
JV: Um, religious to a certain extent. Like, I grew up Catholic, communion, confirmation, all that shit. I don’t know, I guess I’m not like practicing, like I pray sometimes and like I believe in God, but it’s like, it’s not a big part of my life. Like it is with my grandmother, who has her little prayer book and she wakes up early in the morning and she’s just like praying and I can hear her from the bedroom. She has a little rosary, and she’s praying the…all the fucking…what do you call those shits? The Hail Marys a hundred times.
A: Has that changed in college at all?
JV: Yeah. I’m just more lax. ’Cause I’ve always been like, I went to elementary school, like, yeah, elementary school and middle school. It was a Christian school, so it’s private Christian school in Brooklyn. Really small. So like I knew everyone was just like, people I basically grew up with, so it’s like from pre-K to eighth grade I was with the same people. And like every morning we had a little morning devotions, sing songs to Jesus, dah dah dah. ’Cause the church was—the school was affiliated with the church. There’s a church down of up the block and the pastor of that church opened up the school in like the ’70s and it was just like, yeah, there needs to be a place in Brooklyn where people can come. Like it’s an intersection of education and religion…. I needed a break from that. Well, just like the whole regulation of it. The structure. I think the structure was just too much. Like structured religion to me is just a lot.
A: So obviously this is a very different environment than that one. How else is it different? Were there things you didn’t expect?
JV: Um…white people be so annoying? I’m joking. That’s always a constant in my life.
A: You can talk about that. I’d love to hear more about your thoughts.
JV: No, I’m not giving white people more time of my day. This is my interview, fuck that.
A: Fair enough.
JV: That’s one thing that…. I don’t know, I feel like in a lot of ways Wesleyan is kind of similar to Pomfret [boarding high school]. It was a predominantly white school, in the Northeast. [Wesleyan is] a predominantly white college in the Northeast, in New England. So a lot of times, those schools are set up to prepare kids, [air quotes] “prepare kids.” You know, you’re fucking dumb and you’re rich [in high school], you’re probably going to be dumb and rich in college. So like, you’re not learning anything cause you’re probably like skipping class or doing drugs or whatever. ’Cause that’s how it was at Pomfret. And I think at a lot of other boarding schools, from what I’ve heard, it’s like that too. Like you’re rich and you have money, you’re white, going to Harvard, whatever, wherever the fuck you’re going, and you’re like chilling and cruising. Anyways, so like, I didn’t expect it to be that much different, honestly.
It was just another system that I had to navigate. ’Cause I feel like I’ve been trained in a sense to navigate systems and work systems. So it’s like after I leave college, I have to learn how to work a different system, but I have to find that system is the thing. It’s not as clear cut in a sense. You know, in high school we’re preparing you for college and then college we’re supposed to be preparing you for the real world. High school is like college. Like you can go to college anywhere, but the point is you’re going, you know where you’re going, you’re going to college. If you go to college. But that’s the normal now, like now it’s “if you want money, you have to go to college or do some vocational school or some shit.” But that’s only for people who can work that, you know, the education system. So again, going back to the whole thing of working systems. What I’m trying to say is that after college it’s not as clear cut where you’re supposed to go. Like you, you have to put on your big boy pants and get out there. I mean for some people, of course, it is clear cut. Like, “Oh yeah, my dad has a business or whatever and so I’m going to college for this, and then after that I’ll start working at his business, and then I take over.”
A: Right. Not you, though.
JV: [laughing] Not me. That’s not for me. So now I have to find another system to work.
A: So you’ve been here almost three and a half years now, right? So what has been important to you as you’ve spent time here? What has navigating this system been like for you?
JV: Ugh [laughing]. It’s been fun at times, you know, just going around trying to finesse things. But…I don’t know. I’m tired. I’m tired. I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m like, ah, I have to go figure out another system. I need to take a break. I need to take a break. Like, high school then college and all. I’m excited to like, leave, honestly. But I know that I’m going back home after this. And I don’t know, it’s just really up in the air. I’ve thought about teaching [at Pomfret] while at the same time thinking about getting my master’s. And then I’d be at a different school, and I’d have to finesse that. Yeah. So again, I can go back into the whole boarding school, like independent school system and then work that again. Go live on campus, coach some whack-ass soccer team or something…. That I could always finesse, but like, I don’t know. I need a break before I start finessing any other systems.
A: Would that be something you enjoy? You’ve worked with kids a lot, right?
JV: [Someone throws a bottle on the ground behind us]. Ugh, people throwing bottles everywhere. Like, I don’t want to be stepping on fucking glass visiting my friend’s house. If I wanted to do that, I’d walk the streets of East New York. I’m sorry. I’m actually from the ghetto, so it’s like when I see this, I’m like, “Oh, Wesleyan’s kind of ghetto.”
A: What do you mean by that?
JV: Okay, well, when I say ghetto, I mean social strife. Difficulties. The ghetto is an inconvenience to people’s lives. You put people in a space, you don’t give them what they need. It’s like, what’s going on here? Why is X House all the way—why is it literally segregated? This is the space you have for Black students on this campus? And La Casa is all the way [on Washington St]. It was just like a fucking afterthought. They had nowhere else to put it. The fact that I can come to this campus and be like, “Wesleyan’s kind of ghetto” just shows that you’re not serving low-income students or students of color. Sorry, what were you asking before?
A: I was asking about teaching, but…
JV: Oh, yeah. That’s important to me. I like teaching. I feel like the way in which I speak is like…. I was noticing the other day, I was explaining something, I was telling a story. And then the person’s like, “why are you explaining what this means to me?” I was like, “I don’t know.” I was like, I’m not going to assume that everybody knows what I’m talking about, so I’m just gonna I have to like explain it so that you know, everyone can understand. They were like, that’s very teacher of you. I was like, thank you.
A: Do you feel like that’s part of your personality? Being teacherly?
JV: Yeah. I’m gonna come back for reunions and shit, and you’re gonna be like, “what are you doing with your life?” I’m gonna be like, “I’m a teacher.” And you’ll be like, “Yeah, yeah. I see that.” But yeah. Um, yeah, kids are cool.
A: Why do you like kids?
JV: ’Cause they’re hip. I want to be hip. I’m joking. I don’t know. I feel like I’m the type of person to—like, this is something I’ve noticed in my time at Wesleyan. I actually do like taking care of people. So like being an RA, I enjoy having residents and being that person that they could go to or whatever, guiding them. I think that’s like how I like projecting myself, or at least how I want to be perceived. Someone who cares. ’Cause most of the time, I honestly feel like people look at me and they’re like, “Oh, he doesn’t care about anything.”
A: Why do you think people think that?
JV: I don’t know. I feel like that’s what I got in high school. It’s only after people get to know me that they’re like, wait, like, “Hm, this person actually cares about me?”
A: I mean, I know we were laughing about it, but [your nomination] was a glowing portrait of you. Right? So why do you think people, the people who you’re close with have that impression of you?
JV: I don’t know. I’ve accepted the fact that you can’t control how people perceive you. This is however people perceive me, that’s it. And I perceive myself as however I perceive myself, and other people either match what I see, or it could be completely different. But it’s kind of relieving to know that I don’t come across as an asshole to my friends. At least not all the time. It’s nice to know that they value me. And that’s nice to know. To be valued, to be loved. That’s all a boy can ask for.
