WELCOME to the massive two-top-5 dual extreme Argus Arts-travaganza. In order to regain our humor after Professor/President Roth sucked it out in “The Past on Film,” we figured we’d compile a list of movies that should be viewed while inebriated. And then we realized that what we REALLY needed was a list of movies that we should never, ever, in a million years watch while under the influence. So we present to you, in a NEW AND IMPROVED form, the great Argus Top 5 lists:
Movies to Watch High
5. “Fantasia”
There was some debate here, because I (Gabe) am still slightly terrified of Fantasia. Gabe’s fear notwithstanding, we still believe that this film would be, and is, fantastic high.
4. “Lord of the Rings”
LOTR redefines “epic.” And there’s nothing better than that.
3. “Avatar”
THINGS LIGHT UP WHEN YOU TOUCH THEM! AHHH!
2. “Cool Runnings”
Non-stop (slightly racist) laughter even when not high. Perfect.
1. All of “Planet Earth”
When we said Lord of the Rings redefined epic, we actually had forgotten about “Planet Earth.” Somehow, David Attenborough and company have managed to take some of the most lifeless, boring things on earth and make them incredibly cool, epic, and interesting. No contest here.
Movies NOT to Watch High
5. “Doctor Zhivago”
Once you lose your buzz you still have two hours to go.
4. “Edward Scissorhands”
Many things about this movie have no place near THC: scissors, dudes with knife-hands, sad endings, and social outcasts: too trippy, too sad, too horrifying.
3. Ken Burns’ “Civil War” Documentary Series
Yup. No reason to even explain why this six hour Civil War documentary would be one of the worst possible things to watch high.
2. “Bambi”
Oh god! Your mom! *weeping*
1. “Passion of the Christ”
We checked, you can’t definitely make this fun.
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