I admire those who care about our planet, and admire even more those who are not anthropocentric and willing to save this blue planet at the expense of human civilization. Such a spirit is exemplified in Bon Appetite’s adventure in tray-less food provision. The purpose is of course to save water. It cannot be that they are doing so to cut employment, expense, maximize profit and exacerbate the economic depression. It is brilliant because they are saving the planet and they are saving our money, uhum, in their bank account. If they continue to go tray-less, and I (we) love the planet, we should demand that they charge us less for the stuff they call food.
Alternatively, they could give us back our trays, which is suboptimal. The idea that a tray is a tool, an invention for the convenience of us human beings, and a sign of intelligence, is foolish. A week ago, I was at Brown University, and I was surprised that there is still civilization there, for there are still trays in their cafeterias. Unthinkable, Brownies on trays.
How can we forsake our mother earth for the sake of trays, mere convenience. I suggest, nobly, that we get rid of all the forks, the knives, the spoons, the bowls, the plates, and the cups also, and eat with our hands like our ancestors. Because as I see it, the only way to save this world, and the financial prowess of Bon Appetite, is to turn all Wesleyan Students, as the name of the corporation suggests, into apes. Yes, Bon Appetite is the good monkey breast that feeds us thoughtful bonobos.
After my encomium, unfortunately I do have something critical to say. Why is the stir-fry always burnt, and dark as pitch? Anyone with any common sense knows that burnt food contains carcinogens. They even categorized this who-knows-what as Asian Food. As someone who had lived in the Far East for a fifth of a century, I have never seen anything like that. We Asiatics eat almost anything, but there is not an Asian culinary style called carbonation.
Bon Appetite, knows, clearly, that the main consumers of this food are us Asians, and especially my Oriental gentlemen friends. Is this why we have a high percentage of Asians in the freshman class, but after four years of Bon Appetite, there are few of us in the senior class? This is a hypothesis. But it is especially suspicious, since they also more often than not group Kosher and Vegan together, so my Jewish brothers and sisters are deprived of their meat on day and thus weakened? I wonder why Bon Apetite wants to keep all of us uncivilized, Asians precancerous, and Jews malnourished?
Send my regards to the caterpillar in the salad.
Adieu.
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