I love egg sandwiches. My father used to make them for me all the time: fresh ground pepper, grated cheese, egg and toast. A versatile sandwich; it’s popular at virtually any time of day anywhere on campus and seems to appeal to anyone who is not insane/vegan. Thus I have taken it upon myself to put forward my two cents regarding the selection here on campus and choose myself a winner—no easy task.
RED AND BLACK CAFÉ: THE EGG SANDWICH IN THE AGE OF MECHANICAL REPRODUCTION
There are some pros and cons I associate with this egg sandwich, making it difficult to assign a rank amongst other meals I feel relatively comfortable grading. First, it is a two-egg sandwich, which, for me, only distracts from the most important part of the sandwich, the bacon. Second, the eggs are cooked in a microwave (gasp). In my day, we never ate eggs from a microwave. We slapped some butter, or lard, or cowboy sweat onto the griddle and fried ourselves up an egg, and then we ate it. With our bare hands. Uphill.
On the other hand, Red and Black’s submission has much better cheese than any of the other sandwiches, which makes a real difference. Additionally, one can get a wrap, a bagel, croissant, and a long list of combinations of cheese and starches to suit the mood.
CAMPUS CENTER: A CULINARY AND ALLITERATIVE CONTENDER
Another contender with a lot of options, the campus center sandwich sticks to its guns and offers a single egg, griddle fried with cheese and bacon should you request it. This is the favorite of many of my friends, but the appeal is lost on me at some points. Sure, it’s old school, which I appreciate, but there isn’t a lot that stands out. It’s not always warm by the time it gets to me, and I’m not entirely sure the English muffin I selected to encapsulate my egg was toasted. All around, it just seems a bit blander than many of the other options. However, they do a good job of making sure there is plenty of bacon, and if you’re lucky you might get one of those oval shaped hash brown coagulations that travel directly to your left ventricle. More on hash browns later.
WESWINGS: AN EXERCISE IN CORONARY IMPRUDENCE
The hangover special is, without a doubt, the most appetizing looking of all of the contenders. Served on a large bagel with three proud slices of bacon protruding from a griddle- fried egg covered with your choice of cheese, literally dripping with grease (read: not a bad thing). The balance of flavors is spot on–the bagel provides just enough starch and bread taste to hold the egg, bacon and cheese in the limelight without getting in the way, and the bacon is always well cooked and not too thin or thick.
The hash browns on the side of the plate are no joke either. I give mine a healthy dose of salt and pepper and usually devour them in the time it takes to pick up my order and sit down. There are, however, two glaring problems with this sandwich. One, it’s called the hangover special, which implies that I am not still drunk, and two, why would I get the hangover special when I can have the honor of eating one of Brian O’Rourke’s ridiculous masterpieces?
SUMMERFIELDS LATE NIGHT: MY PATERNAL METAPHOR
Here, ladies and gentlemen, is where I rest in my search for the best egg sandwich on campus. What can I say: the egg is fried right in front of my eyes, topped with cheese and crispy bacon, thrown on an oversized buttered English muffin, and tossed to me while its still much too hot to eat. It’s a true short order egg sandwich, and reminds me of the ones my dad used to make–“nothin’ fancy.”
Now, there is a distinct possibility that I am confounding the egg sandwich and the hash brown that comes with it. Either way, this hash brown is beyond words. It comes steaming hot and glistening with oil, and I’ve seen some people put it in their sandwich (although I prefer to salt and carefully inhale it). I stand resolved that this combination produces the best breakfast to be had, available only at night, ironically enough.
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