Former Middletown Mayor Domenique Thornton won Thursday night’s Beirut tournament at Psi U, but she lost the Middletown mayoral election last month.
Thornton bested Middletown’s new mayor, Seb Giuliano, and 62 other entrants, including several frat brothers, to win the tournament.
“I may not be the mayor anymore, but I can drink every one of these fools under the table,” Thornton said. “And I’m not driving home, because drunk driving is for losers.”
Mayor Thornton, of course, lost the election.
“I think the driving force behind me winning the election was Domenique,” Giuliano said. “Literally.”
Giuliano did not make it out of the first round in the Beirut Tournament.
“My poor performance at the tournament can be attributed to the fact that I’m a Republican,” Giuliano said. “And I broke my shooting hand.”
In her single-elimination style tournament championship run, Thornton defeated Midge Bennet, Dean of the College Maria Cruz-Saco, Vice President and Secretary of the University Peter Patton, Bob Dole, Bill Belichick, and Associate Professor of American Studies Claire Potter. The average margin of victory was two cups.
“I am sooooo drunk right now,” Thornton said after the tournament. “Where am I?”
The championship match against Potter was enchanting to say the least. It was a double overtime thriller. Thornton ultimately won by one cup.
“I hate losing at Beirut,” Potter said. “It simply reinforces the stereotype that women are inferior at the game. The only thing I hate more than losing is penis.”
The all-female final match certainly helped to dispel this stereotype. It was the first time in Psi U history that the fall Beirut tournament came down to two females.
“I don’t have no mob ties,” Thornton said when she was asked if she needed to use the bathroom. “Seb. Lemme tell you. That guy’s got some mob ties. Italian food is so good. I wish I had some to eat right now.”
Current and former brothers of Psi U sponsored the tournament.
“We charge every entrant $10, and the money goes toward buying beer and supporting AIDS,” said Matt Franco ’07, a Psi U brother. “The highlights of this year’s tournament were seeing Domenique drunk and seeing Bob Dole naked.”
Dole failed to hit a single cup in the one game of Beirut he played, and the naked-lap rule was in effect. He had to run a lap around Psi U without wearing any clothes.
Thornton, on the other hand, did not have to run a naked lap. For her victory in the tournament, Thornton was, ironically, presented with the key to the city. She immediately tried to start her car with it.
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