1) Rage, Goddess! Sing my rage as I scream from the bottom of my lungs for Nietzsch Factor! Contradictions abound in life: Yo soy uncompetitive vis à vis le sportif, but inside, my pride seethes over lack of forward progress. O! How quickly doth frustration simmer to laconic apathy! So now I skip practice all the time (aka left and right: flick and backhand tosses: the hammer, too).
2) Doth everyone know what I’m talking about? No, of course not! I mean a team-first attitude, my only path to greatness? Yes, I am nothing without the team: friendless, virtue-less, ephemeral. Through the team I made friends, alright: strong, dependable friends to last a lifetime, with whom I feel comfortable sharing my most intimate longings, insecurities, and hopes. My confidence is constructed through team identity. Freshmen and seniors on the same playing field connect via team socials, shooting the shit before and after practice, & the life: no elaborate hierarchy with us, only laid back friends for life.
3) Competitive, boy, aside from me, in a very healthy sort of way, Nietzsch Factor is competitive: compared to the other colleges we play in New England. Except for Brown, because Brown is the best. The old story: Wesleyan is a school for kids rejected from Brown. Anyhoo, let’s not dwell on Brown (What’s the color of shit?), we’re consistently the second-best team in New England! (Second-best, of course, in the narrowest sense of the term.) For the last three years we’ve been the most rebellious & cocky team on the flatball circuit: who needs uniforms? We don’t want anything to do with uniforms: they stink of conventionality and uniformity (a ha!). Other teams hate us, yet they envy our swagger: Nietzsch Factor transcends the sport of ultimate frisbee. We look down upon the sport of ultimate frisbee.
4) Every spring break we road trip to Savannah, Ga. Savannah, a beautiful city on the ocean. Every spring break, Nietzsch Factor dominates the “Surf and Turf Ultimate Invitational.” Last year, at the nighttime championship game under the lights in Fahrenheit Stadium, we dominated Syracuse University before a hostile crowd. Prize: a trophy and a keg. Why did the crowd hate us? Because it consisted of all the teams we chumped during the tourney; they felt we were rude assholes. Our stats for the week: five days, 11 kegs, and 14 wins to only one loss.
5) What’s the point of this invective? Why am I being so arrogant on behalf of NF? Welcome to the Nietzsch Factor media blitz. For instance, check out our alternate autumnal moniker: MFA. Middletown Flatball Association, ya heard? For as long as anybody can remember, we’ve been dominating the Little Threes, the Syracuses, and the Ivy Leagues of this world: all the schools that beat on us in real sports. Yes, we win on behalf of you, the Wesleyan Community. Now we turn our gaze inward: we want to dominate the Wesleyan Community. Keep your eyes peeled. You will hear about us, God willing. Praise be the Lord
Almighty, Jahgodallah!
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